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Today my local dv services rang me and give me a case worker I couldn’t bring my self to be totally honest with her I gave her a wrong name for him I don’t really know why I’ve been thinking all day long do I just lay it on the table and tell her I don’t understand why I am protecting his identity. She did ask me what I wanted from them I basically said I need to build confidence back up I feel like s..t he speaks to me like s..t I am out of the relationship but I am still missing him I need to understand all these feelings because deep down I know he’s not the one for us. Can you please share your advice thanks in advance jellytot
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Hi jellytot
Don’t be loading the pressure on yourself. This is a complex puzzle to unravel and DA caseworkers are aware that it takes a long time to build up trust with an abused woman, and also that abused women will protect the partner they love, even though he may treat them horrically, and be totally hateful towards them.
We have to learn to be careful with truth, until we are sure, because of our very precarious position.
Please try not to feel bad, but I guess take comfort from the fact you are not comfortable to lie to someone trying to help you, it means you are decent inside. They appreciate that it takes time for you to ask your questions, to find out who they are and what consequences there might be in sharing.
Just ask and find out what you need to know, and make the most of the emotional support. It can be very hard to talk about because its upsetting, but also difficulty finding the words. It took me such a long time to find the words. Others did before I did.
Just take good care of yourself, prioritise your own needs, and grow your strength. Make your comeback.
warmest wishes
ts
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It is difficult initially. The first counsellor I never mentioned him – I mentioned someone else though got tips for dealing with ex as well in background.
The first actual d v counsellor I saw once and did not gel. I was speaking to others quickly on phone as well. It was only until I got completely out of house did it all come pouring out- once he could not find me. I was in different situations and his name was out there anyway.
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