Caught again

[Onetoomanytimes]

I’ve found more pictures of different girls on his phone ( I know I shouldn’t have snooped) but I had that gut feeling. Been together (detail removed by Moderator) years and it’s been very down at times. Last year didn’t talk to me for (detail removed by Moderator) months ( silent treatment) living in the same house was awful. But I’m now back on edge because I’m getting silent treatment again (detail removed by Moderator) weeks now all because I confronted him about the pictures he didn’t want to sit down and talk all I got was name calling. just wants to move on and “carry on as normal” am I strange to need to discuss this? He has never laid a finger on me but has threatened to. My previous relationship was extremely violent so I still have this fear but always give the excuse “ he hasn’t hit me” but I think the mental torture is worse. He now has a tactic of saying move on or I’m going to (detail removed by Moderator). Am I crazy to think this basically means. Accept my behavior or I’m going to leave. Deep down I know he needs to leave as it’s become so toxic but he then goes on to tell me how he loves me and life isn’t worth living if we split.
I feel stuck and trapped

[minimeerkat]

wow, this is such a good example of him making your reaction to his behaviour the problem. and what punishment because you had the courage to confront him. then expect you to just forget it & behave as if nothing happened – or he leaves!
i was also in an extremely violent marriage before, but can say without a doubt that the mental/emotional /psychological abuse from my ex caused so much more damage
you might be happy continuing to post on the forum, but there is always your local da service if you wanted more support
you are not crazy thinking you are being given an ultimatum, but continuing trying your hardest to understand & deal with this kind of behaviour is definitely crazy making
hope the understanding you find here helps you a lot x

[Onetoomanytimes]

Firstly I am so sorry to hear about your experience it’s an awful thing to go through yet the hardest to get away from phrase to your strength. I know deep down my head is saying the right things but he does a a great way of making me feel I am wrong I have also recognised that I get punished for my reactions to his disrespect. Why are these people so uncommunicative or have no remorse, it’s unbelievable to make someone feel your life is in there hands if we leave or end it they will end their life I find this a difficult one as he has a close family member who did this because they didn’t get there own way so when he says I’m going to be with (detail removed by Moderator) I believe him

[StrongLife]

Threatening can be difficult. The ex threatened a lot and it was scary. To this day I fear what he would do.
I had very little support at the time – on leaving I found I got a heap of support and such.

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