CBT or people’s therapy?

[MeOnScreen]

Hi all
Don’t know if anyone has seen my previous posts but I’ve been struggling with coming to terms with the fact that my ex was both emotionally and physically abusive to me.
What makes it even worse is that he has moved on and seems all happy whereas I can’t stop thinking about the way he treated me and why he couldn’t have treated me the way he is clearly treating his new girlfriend.

Anyway, a very good friend of mine is a psychiatrist and I’ve been speaking to her about seeing a therapist. She suggested that I needed people’s therapy as CBT wouldn’t be of much use since the way I feel is completely normal for what I’ve been through.

I suppose I’m just a bit sceptical of people’s therapy. From what I’ve researched the therapist listens to you and helps you come up with the answers. However I’ve been over on my head and with my friends 100s of times and it hasn’t helped!
Wondering if anyone has had people’s therapy or any therapy for dealing with life after emotional abuse and what worked best for them?
I have my first appointment on Monday so with me luck!!

[KIP.]

I do wish you luck however I’d only recommend therapy with someone fully trained and up to date on domestic abuse. I’ve tried therapy with someone who didn’t understand and it was a disaster. I went over it time and time again. Round and round with friends and family. Even strangers. This was a sign of PTSD. I needed validation and an explanation and I found that through this site, education, women’s aid. Reading Living with the Dominator. Healing from Hidden Abuse. The Body Keeps The Score. Why Does He Do That. Although I’ve never had people’s therapy. Listening to me and expecting me to come up with the answers just wouldn’t have worked because I didn’t have the knowledge I have now and could easily have blamed myself which I did in the beginning. It’s not my fault I was abused, I didn’t choose to be abused and I refuse to accept any responsibility. What your feeling might be normal for an abuse victim but what you need is help understanding and getting over the after effect of abuse and trauma. Just my opinion x let us know how you get on x

[fizzylem]

Yes, it’s less about the type of therapy, it’s more important that you work with someone experienced in domestic abuse and trauma as it sounds likly you have experienced ‘relationship trauma’, if you have experienced trauma of any kind previously, this will also be a contributing factor, if we experience trauma as a developing child this can make it complex – so the therapists experience is essential here.

You get great and poor therapists, so it’s about finding what works for you, I would suggest you go to the assessment for both and see what this brings out.

It is primarily the therapeutic relationship that heals, no therapist should be telling you what is the answer here – all therapists should help you to find your own way; a good therapist asks you the right questions and gives you what you need.

You also need more than 6-12 sessions, so this is an important question to ask, because time limted therapy comes with limitations, one being, it will likely help with one or two aspects and that is all, so if possible, it’s good to know you can keep going or tap into it again with this therapist at a later date, be your own driver, if you need to – shape your support.

You need someone experienced in trauma and DA work – at least 10 years – and someone you like, feel you can trust, is credible and gives you some of what you need right from the get go. Try and few and narrow it down, each assessment will help you to get nearer to working out what it is you’re looking for and who is the best person for the job x

[Iwantmeback]

I totally agree with Kip on this. Without true in depth knowledge of abuse, we could go on fir years believing it was our fault. It isn’t seemed I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to teach others the subtleties of abuse, every day I learn something new, about me about abusive behaviour, scout others reactions to it. We can only try and find what works fir us but I absolutely believe that the body knows what’s best fir us. I’m seeing a psychologist, what I get from her is the affirmation that what I’m doing is what’s best fir me.
Keep posting, keep learning, the more you reach out to those that know, read the literature, the more you’ll learn that it’s not your fault.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Cecile]

Yes I agree with Kip. I had therapy with a humanist counsellor who insisted using a model called the Drama Triangle with me, despite me assuring her I knew what this was, I had used it professionally with clients in the past, and that IMO it is not suitable for victims of DV or coercive control. It was not a good experience with her and I pulled out. I told her one day that I was forced to do something by the oh that was debasing. The clue is in the word ‘forced. The therapist shrugged and said ‘you didn’t have to do that’ and I felt my jaw drop. I hope she stops working with victims of abuse!
I feel this sense of disbelief also, like “did that really happen?” So few professionals understand coercive control. It’s quite simple, you are forced to live in ways you don’t want to by abusers using age old techniques similar to brainwashing.from now on I only deal with people who understand this and have some training, I always ask them first. It s not rocket science and makes that difference for us. So ask your therapist upfront about the specifics of their training in abuse. There are many different types of abuse and coercive control has its own peculiarities, be cagey about getting into therapy that makes you feel worse.

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