23rd February 2016 at 6:48 am #10253SerenityParticipant
I have written in the past few weeks how certain members of my family have tried to move in where my ex left off, in trying to find fault,monopolise and take over my kids’ upbringing.
It’s hard, because these people do this with the appearance of love and responsibility, at least most of the time ( sometimes the mask truly falls), so if you try to call them up on their behaviour you are just met with denial and continued bullying.
If breaks my heart, because my sister never used to be so bad, although our relationship was always based upon her being dominant and me more submissive.
Now, I don’t have a choice. I need my kids to recover, I need to recover, and we need to battle my ex’s bullying at every turn. Plus I want my kids to just experience calmness and love, whereas those histrionic family members want to unsettle them, order them about, and teach them ways of living and relating to people that I don’t want them to be taught.
If I try to stand up to them, I am met with criticism and irrational argument. Hurtfully, I was told that they just don’t want to listen.
So, how to deal with it? Well, thank God Zi have some other family members who realise the antics of the offending ones, which is a support. But in terms of dealing with the bullying ones, I am going to reinstall the Gray Rock Method.
This is, first of all, to seriously limit and censor the information about my family life and kids that I share with these people. They have caught me off guard and wheedled their way in again, under the guise of helpfulness, so that I have shared my daily news and concerns about my boys with them, and they have used thus knowledge against me to patronise and bully my eldest and simply try to unsettle and take over, and to cruelly try to make me feel like nothing.
So, I will go back to not sharing these deep concerns and telling them very little about mine and the boys’ daily lives.
Information is like a munition to these people. Well, I won’t give them the bullets to shoot anymore. Their gunpowder will dry up!
Along with this lack of ammunition, I will practice the Grey Rock Method of not reacting emotionally to these people, which ends up with my trying to reason with them or defend myself ( whilst I think they enjoy my pain), I will merely act like a grey rock, dull, immovable and feigning ignorance and any awareness of what they are doing. Though I will be. Dry aware of what they are doing, I will pretend I do t, and I will, act so immovable and dull that they will get bored in trying to play me or get a reaction. It will be like trying to get a grey rock to react.
I feel so empowered now I have decided to do this.
I w*d so upset for a few days, thinking I had exchanged one a user for others in my life, but now I realise the power is with me, and I am clever and aware enough of their tactics and motivations to beat them, as I beat my ex, and to move on in power and peace with my lovely boys. X
23rd February 2016 at 7:53 am #10259Confused123Participant
Good idea hun
i too reStrict what i shARE WITH M,Y FAMILY AS THEY SADLY CANT HANDLE
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