12th April 2016 at 4:59 pm #13590
Ive just been told my telephone support worker is leaving at the end of the month so my last session will be next week I can have anew lady but feel apprehensive about starting over again. She said you get 6 months support, Ive had 12 weeks so far with this one and then they are cutting me to once a a fortnight until he end of July.
Feel pretty gutted, she is my life line at present and the weekly call is so much needed.
Anyone else had to change support workers part way through and how did you all cope after the 6 months.
I feel the rug has been pulled from under me and that my strength and resolve will go when the support goes.
12th April 2016 at 7:43 pm #13610SerenityParticipant
I can understand your fear. My support worker left, replaced by another. I really missed her and her wisdom.
What I will say is, different people can offer different skills and insights. You might love this new one!
Write down any wisdom that your old support worker taught you, and remind yourself of it often.
12th April 2016 at 9:27 pm #13624Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
I am meeting my new support worker next week because I have come back from a refuge and I am assessed as high risk. I can’t have my previous one because my score is too high. I don’t know what this lady will be like but I try not to think negatively, every one has indeed specific skills, wise words, supportive kindness and understanding. Personally I fear being rejected for having gone back home, wasting people’s time. I can only attend the meeting and see what this lady says to me. I have gone through so much to make me feel like I don’t care about anything anymore, including having lies and accusations thrown at me, my character defamed, my whole self esteem reaching rock bottom.
I feel like a total fool, my husband carries on treating me like rubbish in front of my children and I try hard not to respond. I feel like whatever I will describe to my new dv lady will be taken as stupid, or made up or enhanced by me as something it is not. I question my whole perspective on things, I have started to notice that recently, how I question myself and how I sometimes think I caused all this or I think I am analysing things too much. It’s just his words, or his agitation, or his nasty remarks, or his long texts, or his accusations, or his disrespect in front of the children…who cares anymore…? I minimise the lot and maximise the sense of my own stupidity. I am beginning to think I am causing trouble for nothing, not being responsible enough to leave for good, behaving like a stubborn person, I am scared but I am numb, I fear feeling like I am craving attention almost but don’t know how to interpret my life on my own any more. I don’t have a sense of normality any more. Nothing is normal with him around but I am so used to it. I fear I am beginning to shut down and trying to grasp at any solution I can to stay put and carry on living in the hope that my children can bring happiness to me during the moments I am alone with them. I am grabbing what I can.
So seeing someone new may help me just like it may help you too. Different ears hear different things, support workers have different levels of experience and may have themselves suffered abuse. They may recognise their own stories in yours, their own sense of panic and fear and the self doubt abuse can cause in the victim.
Go with the flow, and don’t lose hope and faith.
PS (I went into a lovely church today, and sat on my own reading the Bible, I took a picture of a page I read, most of it was about Jesus’s trial and condemnation. But the picture I took is of an evening prayer. When I was in the refuge I also went to a church and wrote a request for a prayer for me. I took a picture of it. I felt so low. I looked at a massive statue of Jesus on the Cross, I looked at the light streaming through the coloured glass windows and the beautiful tiles on the floor, bathed in this light, I listened to the sounds of the church, the silence too. I never go to church, I think I don’t believe in God, I am not sure, but a church is about the only place where I can think I am sane, safe and calm. Looking at Jesus on the Cross, I thought that if Jesus was able to go through a horrific trial that led to his crucifixion, then I could go through whatever was still to come my way…I felt let down by the refuge dv support worker, the weekly meetings we had were leading nowhere, I was constantly finding solutions and answers to questions on abuse, all based on my resilience. So eventually I decided out of the blue to leave and go back to my children in our home. No safety plan in place, nothing. I packed my bags and I left. No one stopped me. I had to face things for good. See what happens…But now I need to speak to someone and I was given a referral because I described how the abuse was being dished to one of my children, and me still)
Don’t worry if you are losing your previous support worker, you need help and support and I am sure this new lady will be wonderful. I am so glad you have managed to connect with your previous one, I wish I could do the same…I so wish to ”crack”, fall down so I can stand up again but with a new sense of recognition. It is hard living in limbo, thinking that with time and patience and self control I can ignore abuse and do what I can to be with my children and see them through to their independence…That’s all I wanted in life, raise my children and make them happy, be happy with my husband. Why is there always someone to destroy what you try to build??????
13th April 2016 at 1:15 am #13645mixed-up mumParticipant
I’m so sorry to hear this Godschild – you do become very attached to your support worker, you put all your faith and trust in them, and you become very close. You do depend on them SO MUCH.
I had support via email for 3 years before I finally left my ex, and it wasn’t until a month after I had actually left him, that I finally had the courage to meet with her face to face.
Over the 3 1/2 yrs she supported me I came to rely on her so much – (I didn’t know about Survivors Forum then) she was the only one I could talk to, the only one who really understood me, and supported and guided – never judging.
Well 6mth after I left him, she then left the job, and I have never seen or heard from her since – I got a replacement – but we just never ‘clicked’ – I felt her very judgemental, and patronising, she did nothing to help me, and we never bonded, and I just never went back – so from then on I have had no support.
I just didn’t know how on earth I was going to cope alone, 6mth after leaving him.
I tell you whit it reminded me of, when I had my first child, there were complications, and we were in hospital a week – then I remember the fear and panic the day we took her home, I had the midwives there all the time if I needed help or advice, then all of a sudden I was expected to ‘go it alone’ – and I just did think I could do it, didn’t think i could cope, but I did of course.
This is kind of the same when my support worker left, I felt like I just couldn’t do this alone, I wasn’t strong enough – its like learning to fly and leaving the nest – sometimes all you need is a little push and you can do it…..
But rememer you are never alone WE are here for you too….
I thank goodness I found Survivors Forum – this has kept me going through all the bad times – I don’t know how I would have coped without all the brilliant support on here.
You are bound to be a bit apprehensive Godschild, you don’t know her, and she doesn’t know you – and it does take time to trust and form a good bond.
I suppose you just have to go into this with an open mind – she may well be a really lovely person, whom you get on with, and ‘click’ with from the start.
Just give her time, time to get to know you, and understand you, and you have to be able to put your trust in her and be able to open up and tell her anything.
I know it’s upsetting to lose someone you have come to depend upon so much – but give the new one a shot, see how you get on with each other, but remember we are always here for you too.
13th April 2016 at 11:24 am #13671
Thankyou you Ladie for your encouragment, it really helps to know you understand how I feel. If I don’t click with her im not obliged to carry on but the support has been so helpful from my current one, but ots so good coming on here for understanding as well, such caring understanding ladies. Bless you all xx
13th April 2016 at 1:53 pm #13688AnonymousInactive
It’s not quite the same because i never really got off the ground with my support worker because she was quite forceful and I found it difficult to talk to her. But I spoke to our local women’s aid a couple of times and had this lovely women who appeared to completely understand. I often wished that she had been my worker because she made it easy for me to talk to her. Give the new person a chance you may well be surprised at their insight. X
13th April 2016 at 3:11 pm #13701
The one I have had has been very good and very very understanding of my disabilities, a lot of people just ignore them and don’t realise that not all disabilities are physical, mine are so long term and ive had every manner of so called treatment.
I will give her a chance and see, thankyou for your support x
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