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What do I do? He’s refusing to do handovers at the agreed place. I went along with him stupidly (detail removed by Moderator) and the third party person met him where he asked. But he’s refusing again for (detail removed by Moderator) handover. My third person can’t drive at night. I don’t know what to say to him. I can’t cope with prolonged communication with him even just by text.
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Hi UltimatelyStrong,
Do you have a child arrangement order?
What is his reasoning for wanting to change the hand-over place?
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If he’s refusing to do hand overs at the agreed place are you in a position just to keep the kids. If he won’t comply with the agreement without a good reason then this is a taste of things to come. Simply messing you around. Do you have a legal access agreement and are you the primary carer? I’m asking because if there is no legal agreement he can simply keep the kids and not return them. He’s using the kids for control now to see how much you will take. I’m afraid he’s going to mess with your plans from now on. Sabotage them so if you need child care then he’s not the person to rely on. Talk to your local women’s aid too x
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He’s been spoken to (detail removed by Moderator) by our social worker about his behaviour when doing handovers. He was (detail removed by Moderator) early one day and was shouting at my third person on the doorstep. Taking pictures of the house where handovers take place and generally making a massive fuss, loud shouting etc just to get attention. My third person has installed a camera doorbell so there is proof of it all. And now he’s refusing to come to the house.
In the last order it says child lives with me. Contact schedule has been evolving the last few months and will be finalised soon.
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Ah I see, he is aware of being recorded so he wants to change the handover place to somewhere his unreasonable and aggressive behaviour isn’t being recorded so he can get away with being a (detail removed by Moderator)
I don’t know enough about the legalities of child contact you have or have not got in place but it sounds as though they are informal. I’m not sure I can advise on this, perhaps best to speak to your social worker or someone directly from Women’s Aid.
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I agree with diymum. Use this opportunity for supervised contact centre. The law need to see you’re being fair and putting your children first which you absolutely are, however abusing the third party in front of the children is child abuse. This may be the opportunity to take a step back or for your third party to get a non molestation order with a power of arrest if this is to continue but it’s definitely not good for the children x
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This is the start of it, he’s managed to behave himself while we have been hashing out a contact plan (detail removed by Moderator). Our closest contact centre is around (detail removed by Moderator) minutes away and are closed at the moment. I could ask if social services can support handovers again, which they were doing to begin with.
My immediate problem is this weekend. I’ve decided to tell him we need to stick to the agreement we have in place for handovers until (detail removed by Moderator). If he still refuses I will have to just do what he wants or I won’t get my child back on (detail removed by Moderator). Then I’ll have to raise it with social services on Monday
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