Channel 4- Catching a killer

[Alicenotichains]

This was a very sobering programme to watch. Occasionally I consider breaking No Contact when my mind starts to play tricks on me (was he that bad? Was he my soul mate?) but films like this (an documentary about the investigation into a domestic violence murder) remind me why I ended the relationship. I would have ended up dead, my kids without a mother.
I can see things so clearly after I remind myself of the probable dangers. I am recovering from the brain washing and after a few months of no contact can feel his grip on me loosening. I feel relaxed and happy. I have also read the book “Women who love psycopaths” by Sandra L Brown which I have to say is one of the best books i have read on this subject, especially the final few chapters. I can see now how he manipulated me. He was so very convincing. I thought he was the nicest man I had ever met at first. Now I can see that was all an act.

I never thought I could ever find the strength to walk away but I have, one step at a time, one day at a time.

X

[SunshineRainflower]

Thanks Alice, I’m watching it now, thanks for posting about it. It’s making me cry. I feel so angry at these men, getting away with treating women like this.

What is terribly frustrating is the way the police only seem to take these cases seriously when the woman ends up dead. She had previously reported him for abuse saying she was scared of him but nothing seemed to happen. A previous partner also experienced abuse and violence at his hands. When I went to the police about my ex they didn’t seem to take it that seriously because it was mainly emotional/psychological abuse with some minor physical abuse and threats.

There really needs to be so much more preventative action taken – if men are starting to show signs of abuse then perhaps the police should do regular checks on him or have some other way of ensuring that his partner doesn’t get forgotten about until its too late. There should also be a way for women to be able to safely report partners without fear of repercusssions, and there should be seminars and training like the freedom programme given to young women and girls so that they recognise the signs early on. Nobody tells you about this stuff, you only learn about it when it happens to you or something close to you.

Very sobering indeed. It reminded me how we have been given a gift, we are alive, we are survivors, and we have a chance to live. My ex joked about killing me and put his hands around my neck twice then denied having done it. I wondered for a while after leaving whether he was planning to hurt me or whether he is just a sadist. I’m living every day with joy and purpose now, I’m wearing my nice dresses and shoes, enjoying life as much as I can, we are lucky to be here and have the chance to lead abuse-free lives and also hopefully make a difference to other women. I wish I could help change society so that this sort of thing didn’t happen anymore.

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Well done to you both!! I’m struggling again. (detail removed by moderator) and he’s moved on. I feel totally worthless. I don’t understand it. All I wanted was a happy family life. I question was he that bad? He’s now happy with someone else while I’m here picking up the pieces still, never have the family life, on my own. Feel so sad

[KIP.]

What I found fascinating was watching him look the detective in the eye and lie without the slightest sign. He kept eye contact, didn’t flinch and just stuck to his story, when he wasn’t making no comment. My ex did this. An accomplished liar. Fortunately the court saw right through him too. When her mother admitted telling her daughter to “tell him the truth, don’t be afraid of him”! And her sister told her not to ask her for help in future when she returned to him. More education needed and this documentary was a chilling but good effort. We minimise their behaviour at our peril. Have a great, safe day ladies ❤️

[Confused123]

Hi Ladies

Will have to watch and let you know what i thought

[Alicenotichains]

I was struck by his bare faced lies, even when presented with evidence he still lied. He was quite convincing and also he showed not an ounce of remorse. It made me feel so angry.
The testimony from his ex girlfriend was also chilling, this guy was a time bomb yet he looked so normal.
I think it emphasises how you need to be so careful when leaving. Do not do what I did and try and tell him one to one that it’s over. He kicked off and there was nobody to help me as we were alone. Do it in a public place or by text. You owe him nothing. Don’t be alone with them after that- you have no idea what they will do to try and regain control. X

[SunshineRainflower]

That’s very true about being careful how you end it. I feel like my subconscious gut instinct protected me because I was round at his house and after big argument where he threatened me I said I was going to leave and suggested we take time out for a week to think things over rather than end it there and then. Then later on in the week I rang to end it which he was really not happy about! He kept trying to get in touch after that to ‘have communication’ and said he found it hard having no contact with me. I think he just really hated that I’d ended it on my terms over the phone rather than face to face where he’d have the control.

I agree it’s good to watch these kinds of programmes to remind us during sad/lonely times why we left them, that sadly if we keep giving these men chances they never change and it can end up being fatal for us.

I also agree how creepy it was to see him lie so calmly and clearly like that, it was reassuring to see that the police saw right through it. Pathological liars are so creepy because they lie so skilfully and can fool people very easily, it’s scary when you are an honest person yourself to realise there are people like this in the world.

[Dragonfly]

The statement from his ex gf got me. It’s just like the second abuser I was with. I speak to my friend a lot about what happened and her ultimate point was he could have killed me. The further down the line I am now the clearer things become. He COULD have killed me with any one of those horrible things he did.

I find it really hard to accept that the police and other agencies never quite seem to be able to join up the dots till it’s too late.

[Author]

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