Child access and court costs…. Still feeling controlled.

[Poppypoo]

I finally got out of an emotionally abusive relationship in (detail removed by moderator). I left in (detail removed by moderator), but he continued to love bomb n play with my head for several months further before I made the break because during his supervised visits with baby, he would either turn up stoned, fall asleep or spend the whole time trying to get me into bed. He had no patience or interest in the baby.

Since (detail removed by moderator), he entered a new relationship with a new victim, and (detail removed by moderator) other women came forward to share their stories with me. In the (detail removed by moderator) we were together, along with the mind games, abuse, there was endless cheating with multiple women.

Since then, he has constantly harassed me daily for contact with his son. I told him from the start, he would not be taking him anyway or having unsupervised all the time he was smoking weed n driving under the influence morning n night. But I wasn’t supervising the contact either as he was too damaging to my mental health, so told him to get clean, pass a drug test or go via a contact centre.

He didn’t take any of these steps before lockdown, but continues to harass me daily pretending to be a doting dad, claiming I’m just bitter n jealous. The abuse is so subtle n clever, there’s nothing I can do. I’ve asked him to go through a third party n we send updates, vids n pics every week, but I’ve blocked him because I just cannot feed into his narcassistic ways anymore.

I don’t know what to do, have no idea of court costs but can I insist he’s regularly drug tested before he has unsupervised access to my (detail removed by moderator) baby? There are also other factors I don’t feel comfy with such as smacking. I just want something in place. I know he’s not going to abide by it though n worry for my child but know as his dad he has rights too.

It’s just a nightmare that won’t go away n I’m so sick of the stress and denial. Feel like I’m finally free, but I’m still being abused because we have a child together.

Hooe this makes some sense. Can’t see what I’m writing on my phone screen due to layout.

 

 

[Iwantmeback]

Dont give him any access, yes dads have rights but abusive dads in my mind lose those the minute they abuse the mother. Go through the courts if that’s what it takes, get in touch with wa, let them help you through this minefield. With more than one woman involved, you can all fill in disclosure forms(clares law) you might find once you mention court, that because it’ll cost him money he’ll back off. Meantime close down ALL Avenues of contact. If he continues to harass you, tell him you’re going to the police,dont get into any two way conversations. If after telling him twice he still won’t listen, follow through on your threats. Bad behaviour is allowed to continue because it there are no consequences. Stand together with the other women, be there for each other if it helps keep you strong. Keep posting on here, we’ll help you every step of the way.
IWMB 💞💞

[Poppypoo]

Thank you. I did log it with the police because it was every day n threats of moving across the road to intimidate, but since then his contact has been more sly. Acting the doting dad, continuing to state in writing (like it’s gospel) that I’m spiteful, out of order, jealous coz he moved on)

He claims in these emails he has given up weed but he is also a pathological liar n has smoked it (detail removed by moderator). Plus he’s previously used (detail removed by moderator) to pass drug tests.

I just don’t know if the courts will see through his lies. I’m only realising he was an abusive n********t since someone told me to read Psychopath Free. It was literally like reading my whole relationship. But because he love bombed whilst creating drama, n insesssntky cheating, it’s hard to show people how it was abuse. It was only hearing the other women’s stories, n his actions since dropping the act that I see him for what he is.

Just so scared he will manipulate his way out of it in court somehow. I can’t bare the thought of my son in his so called care n know this is all about control. Just praying he gets bored once lockdown is over or put off by court costs.

Does anyone have any idea of how many thousands it’s going to cost me to go to court? I can’t get legal aide until he’s cautioned or arrested but he’s too clever to slip up.

 

 

[IndecisiveGirl]

I’ve been going through the exact same thing virtually.

I left my ex fiancé/baby’s Dad him a few months ago. I set my ground rules early on with regards to contact, said he should come to my parents house so myself and baby safe, but he refuses, wanting to meet somewhere else, or threatening to come take my baby unsupervised, harassing me with horrid texts and calls. I have a separate pay as you go phone for him now and have blocked him on my old phone so it’s a nice little break, as I was suffering really bad anxiety because of it all.

I’m sorry, I don’t know how much court costs are. But I know that you need to just wait for him to go court about contact as then he will incur most of the costs I think.
I can’t get legal aid either because I have equity in our joint mortgage property (that he’s living in), although I had to leave my job/move counties etc because of him.

I’ve found my local women’s aid really helpful and supportive though, so maybe that’s an avenue you should go down as they will help you and can get you booked in to see a solicitor for free for some advice.

[diymum@1]

For now let him take you to court. If he tends to spend his money on weed this probably won’t come to fruition as in court wise. You’ve tried now it’s his turn. Stump up for court no for you to do this as he is the problem. Document everything with your gp and if he does take you to court the gp will provide a professional witness statement xx gold dust your health visitor can help plus WA xx

[KIP.]

I agree, sit back and wait for him to go through the proper channels. There are supervised contact centres too. If he was interested he would speak to a solicitor and arrange contact there. He’s just harassing you. He’s a drug user and you’re putting your child first. More than he is.just keep collecting evidence. Screen shots, witnesses, the other ladies he’s abused. My guess is he’s shown his true colours and he won’t want his behaviour exposed in court. Keep reporting any contact to the police (this will help your case too). Set firm boundaries and stick to them x

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