Child contact problems

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Hi
Where do I start. Been split now for a number of weeks and I stopped contact due to his lies and manipulation to the police and to the assault on me. I explained go to court but he’s saying it’s too exspensive. Couple days ago I thought I would give him benefit of the doubt and suggested he could have the children for (Detail removed by Moderator) a week but he must sort out the third party exchange. He’s refused. Says he has no one and that we are adult enough to do it ourselves. I suggested self referral to a contact centre for handovers. He says it’s too exspensive. As the messages continued into the night he declared his love for me sending me love songs and saying he will never get over me. This is the reason I do not and will not see him. He is my trigger, my addiction. If I see him I know I will let him back in and I’m adamant this time it’s over. He wants a explanation as to why I won’t see him. Yeah it would be easier if I could do the exchange etc but I just can’t with this man. He manipulates EVERYONE. I don’t want him knowing about my life. A (Detail removed by Moderator) is in process but I thought maybe we could sort the kids but clearly he’s not interested. Feel like hitting my head against a brick wall

[Tiffany]

Make him go through the courts. It’s the only way to keep yourself and your children safe. If you don’t and you hand over the kids you might find yourself in the position of having to go through the courts yourself to get them back.

I would also cut contact to the bare minimum. I would go for email, as it is easy not to check it as much, and only reply if it is relevant to stuff you have to sort out (I assume there might be stuff to sort out as you have kids and are only recently out – I didn’t have kids and wasn’t married, but it still took a couple of months to disentangle myself legally and financially). But block him on your phone and on messaging services. You don’t need that kind of intrusion into your life from him. He won’t like it of course – he’s still trying to maintain control, but you need to do it for your own sanity.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi,
These men are experts at manipulating us and exploiting our weaknesses- our children and our hearts. Stick to your guns, give him an ultimatum, 3rd party or you don’t see the children.
He knows which buttons to press. He knows you will weaken face to face. Don’t let him control the situation. You have made your decision, you left. That takes a huge amount of courage and strength. Well done, you should be proud of yourself. He lost the first fight, but he’s looking to win the next, getting you back any way he can.
Stay strong and in control. Sending you hugs

[KIP.]

He will always change the goal posts. Put yourself in his poisition regarding seeing the kids. I would move heaven and earth to get a third party or handover. Sadly all he is interested in is continuing his abuse of you. Keep his texts as evidence and block contact all together. He knows how to manipulate you and get into your head. He is the problem here. You’ve given him chance after chance. Time to put yourself, kids and your mental health first x

[iamme]

Hi,
If he thought his kids were worth it, he would pay to see them and go through courts for them. He’s only showing interest in them as a way to get to you.

Mine is trying to take me to mediation. He doesn’t care about them, just trying to use them against me. He’s sending all the emotionally blackmailing texts and audio files of him crying cos he’s suffering after being kicked out. He’s even still trying to get me to cook meals for him like it was my only pleasure in life to serve him. These men don’t think they have done anything wrong and try to convince you of that so you let them back in.

Put your safety and the kids safety first. Ignore him as much as possible although I know its hard. Give yourself and the children time to heal and work on strengthening your bond with your children. I have seen a dramatic change in my children since their father has been gone. My more reserved child is starting to speak up. My teenager is enjoying spending time with her siblings and going out more whereas before she would not even bother getting dressed unless it was for school. My youngest child is not turning to food for comfort anymore. All this in only a few weeks.

Take care, stay safe x

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Thank you everyone. I knew in my heart of hearts not to even give him the chance but I was feeling so guilty so at least I tried. He’s now blackmailing me with money. I’m ignoring him now.
A letter came for him and I opened it. He’s (Detail removed by Moderator) not paid for it and given my address!!!!! There’s a pic of him in the letter poking his tongue out!! I honestly can’t believe he would do something like that. Now I’m going to have debt collectors at my door yet again for him

[Author]

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