Child gets a say?

[Getusout]

Hello everyone

I’m sorry you’re on here and experiencing what you are or have been

Does anyone know what age a child gets a say in where they want to be /who they want to be with?

Mine is (age removed by moderator) and I know it’s unlikely to be any time soon but wondered anyway.

For example, he wants to take our daughter on holiday on his own. She doesn’t want to go. I don’t want him to take her. (also I don’t trust him one little bit with his toxic psychotic behaviour)

She hates him because he yells and screams all the time. Covering her ears with her hands.. So sad.

I’m trying to accept that the best thing for her is for me to stay where I am so I can counteract the emotional abuse he subjects her to. She’s far too wonderful for him to kill her confidence and all that makes her unique and amazing..

Sorry for the ramble. I’m trapped. We’re trapped
So hard. Heartbroken.

[KIP.]

Get the support from women’s aid. Keep a journal of all his behaviour towards you and her. Speak to a solicitor about him only having supervised access to begin with. Staying will only normalise his behin her eyes and expose you both to much worse behaviour. Ring the helpline number on here. Build a case against him. Abuse always gets worse.

[Had.enough]

I havent had much luck with family courts. Is it 10 ? I dont know if the courts even listen to the child. It is very much contact at all costs. The judge makes the decision based on how they feel on the day.If they are pro the abuser they will do anything they ask. Those that have been hurt by their abusers destructive behaviours appear vindictive. The judge would act differently if it was a member of their own family that were harmed.

Hope you get a fair judge that listens to your concerns.

all the best

[Getusout]

I’ve seen numerous lawyers, a barrister, talked to everyone (charities, counsellors etc)

My best option is to stay. I have to give up any chance of happiness for me personally but that’s what is best for her.

Officially going to the police etc will achieve nothing. Legally, they don’t give a s**t. I’ve got acres of evidence, but as there are significantly nastier more physically violent people out there, it counts for absolutely nothing. Going that route will leave me utterly penniless (but not him) and still having to face him for access. I’ve been told by multiple lawyers that despite the evidence, he can just say “sorry, my bad” to the judge, or deny it completely & “he presents well and looks good in a suit”

So all it’ll do is take years, cost a lot emotionally and time wise and create increasing animosity.

I wish there was a way, but if so, the authorities, 6 lawyers and a barrister don’t know it.

My fingers are crossed for an avalanche in sky season..

[diymum@1]

it depends on the childs maturity and understanding – its from nine really most books say 11 12 xxxx

[Escapee]

I had a feeling it was 11 too but then I haven’t had to worry about access issues for many years.

Are you working with women’s aid?

I’d say that with today’s growing awareness that family courts would be more cautious but it sounds like it’s still a nightmare to protect our babies!

There must be an answer! Talk to woman’s aid about it all my lovely.

[diymum@1]

womens aid can work with the kids and if they talk openly with them can put in a document for court. get the GP to say this is affecting their health emotional / and their development xx

[Author]

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