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Hi ladies – has anyone else had any issues with their ex paying child maintenance? mine stil hasn’t paid a penny since I left him. Despite cms being involved It seems to be a legal loop hole minefield. Anyone got any positive experience;s ? im waiting to be changed over to collect and pay this week.
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I’m afraid they use not paying CM as a way to control and make things harder for you because you’ve left them. They don’t care about depriving their children it’s more about hurting you.
My ex gave up his job to avoid CM and paid the standard £5 out of his JSA for a while. Then he worked sub contract and paid slightly more £7 as his accountant put bear min thru the books even tho he was living in 4 bedroomed house with a mortgage….
Even the CSA bloke felt sorry for us, but nothing he could do and said sadly it’s not uncommon….good luck xx
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it def is further abuse its financial abuse – its awful as its calculated too and sadly my children suffer too!
Just want what im owed how can they think its ok to deprive us, he spends so much bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen and people that don’t know me in the bid to get them to feel sorry for him! also that ive ‘rinsed him’ how can he say then when I haven’t had a penny.
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It never fails to shock me the way men can deny their own children. They deserve so much better, thankfully they have you!
My own children have said, because of course he discusses all our affairs with them, he won’t pay you, but he could give it to us!!!?? How does that work to pay the mortgage,the bills, andhavi the children rigt in the middle of the financial abuse, while he looks like the great father to them giving them money. No to mention what I’m supposed to do when he doesn’t. They forget so easily how he promised pocket money, but they would then have to beg him for it.
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They are wrong-thinking anddont seem to understand the reality of the costs of school uniforms, shoes, heating, keeping a roof over our heads.
Its a trust issue for them to give mothers money for children, the woman they hate, that’s all.
How dare she have money. Hmm.
Life would be so much easier without this very scarey financial abuse, they find all manner of ways to avoid it, if the govt can fine tax avoiders, they should treat maintenance avoiders exactly the same. All these accountants hat produe zero tax liability accounts deny children across the UK money that could keep them from poverty.
What he says is irrelevant, we know, it means nothing its just his spin, and he is fighting a battle still to abuseyou. All needs ignoring, bloc it out. Us women are the scourge of the earth to them, and that wil always be. .we’re not gonna change that, just accept he will bad-mouth you to anyone that will listen, although he could be arrested for this if it was on a non-mol order, he would be breaking the order.
Speaking like this to the children is abusive to them.
Do you have a non-mol against him? I am wondering at the recent comments on here sayin that there has to be physical violence in the past 10 days? Can this really be true? Just to stop a man doing what he couldn’t be doing in the first place? We are going back in time if so, not moving forward with keeping women and children safe.
Keep posting aa you move forward with this.
Warmest wishes ts
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Hi Imfree. Can’t say I’ve had much luck either. It’s been ages since i left and he has plain outright refused. Still do this day nothing has been paid to me and they are supposed to be collecting it now
His family know he doesn’t pay and they are disgusted by him. But of course that’s his family so in the end they will forgive me.
His reasoning is he knows I earn well and so doesn’t think his son is going without. But it’s the principle and the responsibility of paying for a child you made. It’s got nothing to do with my wage but that’s how he justifies it.
He’s not currently working at the moment and I can guarantee you he will get his new gf to pay for all his living expenses or have another kid so he pays me less.
I won’t stop the fight for payment and in the mean time the debt is wracking up but I doubt it’ll ever get paid. It’s a joke really.
Sorry your suffering. Wishing you all the best xx
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Imagine if we did the same? as mothers? we would be painted as the worst parents ever! It makes me laugh it really is an injustice and it is the kids that suffer in the end. I have tried to have his wages arrested, still waiting to hear. to no avail. It sounds like they need to make big changes to the CMO.X BEST WISHES
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Mine pays but leaves it to the last minute and I have to ask several times, he refuses to set up a standing order so I have to ask each month. He also says that he won’t pay a penny unless I behave a certain way, I can not be angry or say what i think – he swears at me and says that was my ‘final warning’ you won’t get a penny off me followed by all the usual expletives. He takes the children out to do exciting things, puts on a show for others to see, and portrays me as the mad unreasonable one.
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you are so right DIYmum! absolutely, we would be plastered all over the media! I have regularly completely missed meals, gone without clothes, just loads to keep a roof over our heads. hes not missed a single meal i can tell you, and neither would he. he’s told a judge i’m living the high life ‘on his money’! pah!
Dear itmustbemesurely, this is how it was for me until csa (as they were) got involved, and because he refused to pay they went direct to his employer and set up collect and pay, sadly, they won’t do that now and charge a 20% penalty with every collection to the payer. if he behaved this way when it was set up with cms, they are supposed to collect it from him and pay it to you. Yours does sound like the perfect set up for it. You could always go online and do the calculator and make a call to cms, but, you would also need to step away from the current contact that you had or he will bring consequences down up you and the children. I asked them (csa) to time the call carefully because of his rage, and they said they would, but they didn’t, and my children came home distressed because of his behaviour and didn’t know what they’d done wrong, so keep yours and you well out of the way. I just hope that you won’t have to living under his financial abuse like this.
warmest wishes ts -
Mine used to tell me to collect money. I would go to his door step to find a ripped up £5 note or once he gave me some money but a polly bag with £30 of 10p and 20p all shiny clean. So he had obviously changed the money to coins deliberately… and inside a dog biscuit… they are abusers and don’t care about there children’s welfare. There trait is too not pay as they think it benefits us its disgusting. Sorry I can’t be more positive for you. I really hope your situation improves and you get what your child needs. Xx
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sorry to hear your all dealing with this too!
CMS have at least now switched to collect and pay and sent a DEO out so I should hopefully get some money from December onwards. Its been over 5 months now without any child maint and it sickens me how can they sleep at night knowing they cheat they poor children out of what they are entitled to for just a decent life! Disgusting behaviour -
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