Child poorly

[Neueranfang]

My child has been at hospital for the last (detail removed by moderator). We all had Covid (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago and he was fine.Now he’s very poorly and in the (detail removed by moderator). I have been staying with him and my other son has been staying with (detail removed by moderator). My family are all abroad.My ex has been up the hospital a couple of times to see our son and he has been looking after our other child.He’s also been non stop texting me how sorry he is and how much he loves me and wants us back.I find it too much and not needed as I’m occupied with my poorly child.My ex seems to think we are getting back together just because I have been civilised with him.I don’t answer to him telling me he loves me and just the thought of being back with him freaks me out.We haven’t been together for (detail removed by moderator) and he hasn’t stopped abusing and harassing me but somehow seems to think because our child is very unwell, we will get back together.He came to the hospital and asked our son (detail removed by moderator).And then laughed about me calling the police in the past.He doesn’t get it and he never will.I’m scared to say anything back as the abuse will start again if I reject him and I can’t be dealing with this while in hospital.So I just ignore it.It is all too much!

[Hsjslehdhd]

Firstly I’m so sorry to hear your chikd is poorly, I hope they get better soon!

Unfortunately he will use any excuse available to get what they want and regain control. He is using the fact your child is poorly to get to you , it’s a very clear indication of his character and how low he will stoop. He knows your vunerable right now and thinks its his chance.I’m so sorry for what you are going through! Stand your ground, keep your boundaries in place, I know that’s really hard during a time like this. You are doing the right thing by ignoring any messages of that nature from him. I would do the same and only reply to him about your children and what you absolutely have to reply to.

I really hope things get better for you soon, your doing so amazing! Stay strong

[Bananaboat]

I’m so sorry your child is poorly I hope they get better soon.x

As for the ex – look at it another way, he’s using your child’s illness as a way to get to you, as you say your mind is preoccupied right now with your kids and hospital – so should his be but no even this he has to make about himself. Stay strong, you know you’re better off without him, it’s tough but so are you xx

[Wants To Help]

Hi neuranfang,

Sorry to read this about your child. I do hope they are getting better each day.

With regards to your ex visiting and spending time at the hospital, please let the nurses know that you separated from your ex due to domestic abuse and you are not wishing to be in contact with him at the hospital. They will all have had some safe guarding training and will be aware that times like this are difficult for the parents.

If it is possible, try to negotiate a time that he will be with your child and you go and get some rest. If you are worried your ex may try and take your child out of the hospital then let the staff know so that they are extra vigilant when he is around.

Sometimes, when things like this happen (I have made a post on this regarding a Significant Emotional Event) people SEE things differently and change their priorities on things. Your ex may see this as one of those events and believes that a serious illness with a child is a reason to get back together and try again. It is okay for him to think like that but it does not mean that you have to agree with him or even consider it for one moment. Stay strong with your beliefs and wishes, which is why it may be better to leave your ex with your child for the one-to-one visit if your child is happy with that and it safe to do so. By letting the staff know the situation between you and your ex gives them a better understanding of what is going on. If he is giving the performance of his life that he is the ‘loving and doting Dad who just wants to try again for the sake of the child’ then he may try and get the staff on his side who sympathise with him and who become frosty with you for ‘not giving him a chance.’ It is well known that abusers can successfully manipulate professionals and get them onside, and you really don’t want that happening right now when your child is poorly and things are stressful enough for you. The relationship and situation between you and your ex is a necessary one that the hospital staff need to know about and try and manage in the best interests of your child.

xx

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