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    • #145666
      Yellow-flower
      Participant

      I was referred for help with dv charity , they can remove my husband with an order , but what about my children, I’ve distanced myself from the charity offering to help me because of fear of the unknown , I’ve hid this abuse for so long made excuses for his behaviour . What if my children hate me for having there dad removed . What if they see the upset , how do I deal with all these emotions it’s making me feel ill and hopeless

      Coward that’s what I am , friends are getting annoyed and bored with it all

      Another Monday approaches and another failed week 🙁

    • #145674
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi Yellow-flower

      I completely understand your sick-to-your-stomach feeling, that level of anxiety about your situation, and this will be affecting your children just the same as its affecting you, they may not know how to express it though.

      I also understand the fear of letting out such a very deep dark secret after all this time. Take your time, please don’t be hard on yourself over this, its you that has to do this, so you do this when you are ready to, so that you can stay in control of your lives as much as you can, because being mentally and emotionally ready to do this is very important, as you are the ones your children will look to for the consistent care going forward. They will need their days and weeks to be as normal as they can be, as that will help them to see that life can go on as it was, just that their Dad will be living somewhere else because he keeps hurting you all, and when it won’t stop, then you have to make it stop by removing him from the house.

      In your time, and speaking on here is a good step to start progressing your plan at your pace. Noneof your words are unfamiliar here, we all recongise those dread feelings only too well. You do this when you can, and anything else you want to know do ask and we will do our best to point in the direction, or offer our experiences if that helps.

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #145680
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      You have reached out and that is a very brave thing to do.
      You are showing your children how you matter hiw they matter how one person cannot hurt another without consequences you are doing your best in the most difficult of situations you are bound to be scared and anxious but dont stop now keep getting help to get out. Take it slow be easy on yourself prepare yourself and just do things in your own time at your own pace but keep moving foward not back. Depending on your childrens age if young keep things simple if older then just be honest with them.
      Yes its monday, but its a new week a new start a new life is ahead. Xxxxx

    • #145718
      Mellow
      Participant

      I’ve withdrawn from my support aswell and have children my situation slightly different it escalated then he got wind of it and now the whole world knows and I’ve been manipulated.i can’t talk anymore it’s soo much more difficult with children when you’ve got outside support cause too many people then know your business and your scared it will go back ti him then you have to make excuses if it was me I wouldn’t do the order but I don’t know your circumstances that will go through police and more people will get involved cause you e got children I think you would have to find a way out without drama and upset

    • #145720
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      We lived our lives hiding this way of living it feels odd letting others in, and any good dv support will understand.

      Look at it another way, what will your kids see/feel/experience if you stay, don’t underestimate the impact on them they feel more than we realise. What if they are relieved and love seeing their mum happy again? Look up FOG (fear, obligation and guilt), it’s very real but recognising it helps. One step at a time, it’s ok to wobble xx

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