19th June 2019 at 3:38 pm #81154
I had to post after year of anger (directed at me) and anxiety (so distressing to watch), finally a breakthrough with one of my children ofteen age.
Some will know of difficulties through the past that we’ve been through, but finally i think a breakthrough.
We’ve nearly lost each other due to their fatrrs abuse and hes determined that WILL happen.
(Court detail removed by moderator).
Now, something has shifted. A lot of anxiety gone. Recent difficult heart to heart, and a new easier, calmer child. A relaxed openness, and expression.
I know how many mothers worry, suffer, and feel gilt and desperation over this (because i have too). This is why i felt it mattered so much to share this, for hope.
To keep on the right path, holding boundaries, with kindess and love and much patience!
I know sometimes its too much to counter the abuse, but it can happen.
I have seen such an amazing change. So can you.
Warmest wishes all
19th June 2019 at 3:55 pm #81155
all your hard work has paid off (removed by moderator)- you’ve kept going and its paid off – im so glad to hear everything is turning around for you guys ! 😀 much love diymum
19th June 2019 at 8:04 pm #81186
20th June 2019 at 2:57 pm #81233LisaMain Moderator
Dear Twisted Sister,
Thank you so much for posting this, I’m sure it will be comforting for many to read. I’m so pleased you’re seeing positive changes in your child. I hope you feel very proud not only of your child, but of yourself!
20th June 2019 at 5:07 pm #81245HopeLifeJoyParticipant
I’m so pleased for you TS, that’s some endurance you went through 😌💞
You can be so proud of yourself, it’s all thanks to your efforts, celebrate this moment, treat yourself 👍
20th June 2019 at 5:47 pm #81248
Oh bless you for your lovely supportive comments!
I was very touched, reading them, thank you!
21st June 2019 at 1:49 pm #81310fizzylemParticipant
So good to read TS! We read (and are fed tbh), so much about how damaging it is at a vulnerable time in life and it can last a lifetime – but I believe these things can be overcome, using these effects and the trauma to build growth and resiliance – it may sometimes take time, like you say, but those break throughs are golden; so happy for you and your child. You sound like a lovely mum x*x
21st June 2019 at 3:19 pm #81315
Thank you fizzylem.
There’s also been a lot more opening up from them about the way he speaks and treats them.
Makes me feel really sick though hearing it all.
22nd June 2019 at 11:48 am #81391
Omg! They are now telling authorities!!
22nd June 2019 at 12:03 pm #81395
my word so will you take this further now? x*x
22nd June 2019 at 1:37 pm #81413
I have only seen a copy of an email confirming it. Sent from one of my kids.
Its not in my control, will have to see what reaction i guess.
22nd June 2019 at 1:38 pm #81414
this must be a huge weight off your shoulders – im soo pleased for you! xxxx
23rd June 2019 at 11:52 am #81469
It really is, thank you. I can’t quite believe it.
I want others to take hope from this, to see it can happen, to keep getting help for children and help for yourself to be a confident and happy mum. Im not there yet, but its a work in progress!
23rd June 2019 at 12:15 pm #81473lover of no contactParticipant
TS, great to hear ‘the Hope’ that all is not lost. I was so distressed a few years back with my ex attempting and looking like he was succeeding in emotionally alienating some of my children from me. The pain was huge. I likened it to the religious sentence in the bible about Mary the mother of Jesus when he was dying and died on the cross ” And sorrow like a sharp sword shall break your heart in two.”
That horrific pain is a reality some of us mothers who have children with abusers have to go through. But your post highlights that all is not lost when we think it may be. My relationship with my 2 children has improved also as long as I stay No Contact with their abuser dad and now they are travelling (so not as much contact with him) so they can see me for who I am without his brainwashing/smearing of me on a constant daily basis. He was ‘in their ear’ daily, subtly against me. In fact I think it started from their early childhood but I was completely unaware. I was always ‘building him up’ to my children and he was always subtly ‘tearing me down’ to my children. This was the dynamic I was up against unbeknownst to me.
Well done to you. I do think us recovering helps in all this also. Self-care helps to get ‘ourself ‘ back and stronger and maybe can then show up the abuser’s pathetic attempts at portraying us in a negative light all the time to our children.
8th July 2019 at 7:52 pm #82877
Dear lover of no contact
This is such good news!
I completely get what you mean, building him up and him tearing us down! And being completely unaware of it for so long. Yes absolutely that.
That it’s also happening for you is so heartwarming, and encouraging for any reading.
It’s so gruelling to go through the, but to see there can be light at the end of the very long darkest of tunnels.
So pleased for you.
9th July 2019 at 11:25 pm #82980lover of no contactParticipant
Thanks TS. Yes it’s great to know that all is not lost in regards to our children. It’s hard to feel it at the time when we see the hostility on our children’s faces towards us but everyone gets affected in a negative way when an abuser is in our midst. Your post shows we must never give up hope , we must always have hope that things can change for the better.. once we get the abuser out of our lives 🙂
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