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I haven’t had contact with my ex n neither have my children. (Removed by moderator) I was in hospital and CS asked him to care for the children. He said no, and instead used the opportunity of knowing I was alone in hospital and vulnerable to harass me and threaten me. Now my children are potentially being put on plans Coz they’re at risk. It was CS who put ME at risk!!!!! I’ve sent in a complaint and got a half hearted explanation and now I have to have a meeting with the manager. I’m not in a good place emotionally because of recent events and not feeling listened to is so frustrating and damaging on my mental health. It’s playing right into my exes favour! So mad at them but they can’t admit to being in the wrong n would rather cause me more agro
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That’s exactly how i feel!! It doesn’t matter how hard I try, they find a negative in everything!! I think they think mental health has an on off button and I just need to get on with being a mum!
He used his assessment visit to slander me and make really hurtful allegations and she went and wrote them in the b****y assessment for me to read but then says I can’t have contact with him because he might say hurtful things to me… I thought she was assessing my children not me! I’m so angry that he’s managed to manipulate her and even more disheartened that she thinks she can tell me about perpetrators of domestic violence Coz she read a book!!
I’m a survivor!! We know! We’re the experts!
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Hi Muna, I totally sympathise. There seems such political will to keep children with a family member at any cost that children are constantly being put at increased risk. Obviously cuts to social services aren’t a good thing, but so often they seem to do more harm than good and I wonder what the point of them is. The system is seriously flawed, but trust me it’s the system not you. Please don’t let this get you down. I had exactly the same; social worker manipulated by my ex, the assessment for his suitability to see the kids all became about me. Of course because I was naively honest and he lied through his teeth that didn’t help. Then I made a complaint which they were completely defensive about. I’m only just recovering from being totally re-traumatised by then. I’d actually hoped they would finally offer me some help, so naïve! I’m glad you’re angry, and rightly so, though be careful how you express it with them xx
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Good advice PP!!! They will use anything against us do the last thing I need is to out ‘agression’ to my long list of issues! 🙂
I think they are so busy they take info at face value n don’t stop to think is the victim or the perpetrater more likely to be honest and who’s more likely to manipulate the truth! I would like to think in their shoes I would do a better job. She’s never been in my shoes and vice versa!
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Childrens seevices…refused to help me get locks changed, one of them told mw not ro “provoke” him..two days later he found me and raped me. They told.me its “cultural”. They want him to have supervised access to the kids. He raped me while they slept next door and beat me in front of them…but i was “negleting” them but not getting an injunction that i hàd no money for….so wrong.
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So sorry to hear that shine bright, I honestly thought there would be more support, but like u I can’t afford a peice of paper that says ‘injunction’ – and won’t actually help, there’s no conditions in place for the violent man who is ‘placing my children at a significant risk’ and I can’t get the locks changed either! Seems so daft!!
I’m not giving up easy Ayanna!!!! It took me so long to get out of the relationship safely and with the least impact to my kids, it makes me so mad when they say that my kids are at risk because I might go back!!! We’ve been separated for a very long time and he’s not had contact with me or the kids until those bright sparks told him I was in hospital. Raaaa so mad at them for not even apologising or taking responsibility!
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I got my injunction myself with hell of womens aid lady..but it was difficult…but as u say if u dont have contact anyway why do it. With chikdrens service I wud try and make it xlear that u have a plan if something like thia happened again. Make aure tgey know who wud have the kids if u were in hoapital and show them how smoothly it wud all work. The big thig cor me ws that always wanted to know what the safety plan was. If u can show them that no what happwns ur children will be safe they will leave it. In the end i tried to work with them just to get rid.
They are very single minded and there sole role is child protection…thwy dont listen..but need to tick certain things before the case is closed. -
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Children services re name must keep biological parents (abusive fathers) seeing their children while taking away from good mothers. The only way they can do that is showing you are unstable.
I would complain not to the manager but to the top as high as you can go.
Don’t go alone whatever you do.
If they want a meeting ask for the written agenda in advance. (detail removed by Moderator)
(detail removed by Moderator) are easily fooled by charmers in my experience.
(detail removed by Moderator)
They need your permission to do some of these things and to get it they (detail removed by Moderator) or tell you that is how it is.
You need someone who know what is what.
I was told I was no-longer able to talk to my kids consultant and anything medical was to go through them. It was a lie, I refused I wanted clarity and I wanted to know why they could do this and how. They couldn’t they had to back down.
They had done somethings behind my back and put my kids in danger. I wish I had the courage to complain then, but I was with him.They told me I couldn’t take my kids to a different area and I had to leave them with him… this is the same person who told me that if he was capable of hitting me then if I wasn’t there what was he doing to the kids, he would be taking it out on them instead…..
I left and took the kids.
They split the kids up through the courts they by this point could not do what they wanted and give the kids to him.
They decide that because he took a caution rather than me pursuing through the courts (I had no energy left and I was told what would happen to him if we lost or won would have no baring on the outcome of the family courts) that a caution (ie admitting you did it) wasn’t a conviction and that meant he didn’t do anything.They made my life hell, they damaged my kids and they still tried to use my mental health as the justification.
After the court they were supposed to hand over to another area but they refused. It was only when another social worker told me and my solicitor who to complain to did something get done.
It was not the manager as they were backing the practice up it was the assistant Director so something like that my solicitor wrote to. We were transferred as fast as they could, though she still wanted to do somethings at which point the other social worker asked her why? and put those things on hold. Then I had a letter from the new one going we don’t all work like this please use us for any help you need.
I said no thank you and they closed my case as soon as they worked out they didn’t need to deal with him at all.
Sorry that was long.
Now if I talk to ss at all and I have had to they have as little to do with us as possible.
Now I make arrangements for the kids to be looked after if I need to and that doesn’t include him so when I have the question where are your kids I tell them I have made arrangements for them to be cared for.
Never again do I ever want to have “help” from them
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I don’t feel like they ‘help’ at all and I def feel like they have been taken in by his charm! It’s so frustrating. I’m a good mum and I left the relationship in order to protect my children so why would I put them at risk now! It’s been a long time since we split up so why now! I feel like they have their assumptions without any evidence to back it up yet they still can’t back down. I’ll never get an apology but when they are wrong they need to take responsibility
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