Children with an abuser? So confused

[Blondexxxx]

Hi,
So I previously wrote about my ex was really abusive even more so during lock down, he was drinking two maybe bottles of whiskey a week! Full litre bottles, taking cocaine and smoking weed, And gambling.

His paranoid got worse and he kept constantly accusing me I couldn’t even go to the shop or stop off after work anywhere
I was accused constantly and he went through my phone, basically made my life hell at home.

I stopped wanting to sleep with him because he made me feel hate towards him, but he ended up leaving me saying I must of been seeing someone else because I made him feel unwanted? Not the fact he had major issues.

So now he’s been asking for access to our son, at first he wanted to pick him up from (detail removed by moderator) once a week on (detail removed by moderator) but each time was awful, he would come for a few hours not speak to me then leave and send me abuse that I wasn’t even bothered and call me horrible names like a s**g etc!

So I told him I wanted to go through his mum, but then I finally spoke to his mum who said she’s monitoring his behaviour and is keeping an eye on the drinks in the house and he hasn’t drank at all at once although she ‘allowed him to have a drink last (detail removed by moderator)‘
I said yes he’s been drinking every week he’s been sending me abuse! Calling me names at (detail removed by moderator)! She said he can’t of been and she would know if he was drinking. Basically calling me a liar.
Even though I have all the proof on my phone.

My ex told me today he’s taking me to court for fifty percent access to our son
The text he sent was this
(detail removed by moderator)

I just can’t cope with it anymore, Iv spent the entire time missing him but hating him at the same time.
Now he’s trying to take me to court he says and wants 50 percent access to our son, but because of his drug abuse and alcohol abs the fact he’s hit me etc I just feel like why would I want him to stay over night with him it would make me a living wreck

I spend most of my time with our son when I’m not working
Everyone knows it’s me who’s got him all the time even when together he didn’t even bother looking after him.

Now all of a sudden he wants to take me to court because I won’t agree on fifty fifty.
But everyone says to me I shine letting your son be part of someone’s life like that!

But then I stayed with him and wanted him back so why if he was that bad did I want him our lives!!

His mum was no help and practically told me my ex was no longer my problem it was hers now and to leave him alone! I said I don’t bother him!!

Then said he’s his father abs has rights and I said but he’s been having him once a week for the day and I haven’t stopped him but I don’t feel comfortable with his behaviour him having him on his own at night.

I know it’s easy to say but on the day I know he doesn’t take drugs it’s been at night after he’s been drinking
Then all his concentration has been taken up by the gambling on his phone

I want our son to have his dad but truth is he isn’t much of a dad.

His family have money and I’m scared now they will get the best solicitor and take me to court and say I’m lying about his behaviour.

It’s such a mess Iv had horrible anxiety all day I feel sick and I feel now Iv told his mom about everything he’s done to me he is going to ‘get me back’ somehow.

Juat wanted some advice on what anyone else would do xx

[Twisted Sister]

i am sorry you have had to cope with his abuse, and now his mother does not believe you.

Its very likely hes convinced her that hes not, but you know he is, and thats what matters.

even if they do have an expensive lawyer, you speak your truth, its all you can do no matter what lawyers they have or don’t have.

keep any evidence you have to take to court, should they decide to do that. If they take you to court thats their costs.

courts are also used to liars and abusers. with his track record of drink abuse and other substances, they would require reassurances that he would not do this around his child. i don’t know how he’d be able to provide that as his abuses are so current.

Keep that text you’ve had, where he threatens you. He tells you he’ll make life difficult for you. this with any other texts you have and other proofs, should be shown in court as evidence of his behaviour.

make sure you don’t reply to them. don’t react, just keep them.

have you passed any over to police? depends on the area you live in you may have an abuse service, and dedicated abuse unit within the police that could take this information from you and it may merit support foryou to have a non-molestation order.

do post and talk about your worries to help you process all that you have to deal with at the moment, and take all the breaks you can, to have a rest from it all.

warmest wishes

TS

[KIP.]

This is typical abuser behaviour. He’s losing control so he’s trying to threaten you. He’s a drug addict with alcohol problems. He’d have to do a drug test and would fail at the first hurdle. They often do stuff like this when they’re not getting their own way. I’ve found out that blood is thicker than water and she may well believe you but if she goes against her son she probably knows the problems that would bring from him so it’s easier to just believe him. Get some legal,advice. You want to legally be the resident parent otherwise he has the same rights as you to keep your child. Raise your concerns with your GP that way it’s noted and can be used as evidence. Talk to your local women’s aid. I’d be looking to withdraw all contact and let him use a supervised contact centre if you have to. He’s not a good father and children learn from their father’s behaviour. Change your number and report any harassment or threats to the police.

[Author]

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