Christmas blues

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

So we broke up this year and he has made no effort to see the children through professional agencies. Obviously Christmas Day yesterday and nothing. I’m feeling so many emotions right now but also beating myself up because surely I should be happy he isn’t bothering? My son is at the age now where he’s asking after him but I just say he’s at work.
I still can’t believe it’s come to this but it’s for the best (I think) just wish I could change these negative thoughts to positive ones.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, and yes it is for the best. Have you ever written down how he treated you, how it made you feel. The longer we’re away from them, the less we remember just how bad things were, we minimise, I think that’s why so many of us return, to eventually leave once and for all.
I wouldn’t lie to my child about why he’s not there,it’s sort of giving him false hope. You don’t have to go into details.
Only you though know what’s best for yourself and your family💞
My oh wouldn’t see his children (previous marriage)under supervision either, male ego or just wouldn’t have been able to manipulate, who knows. I didn’t even think his explanation was wrong, I believed his side.
This forum is a godsend, post anything you want, vent away, whatever it takes to make sense in your own mind,. We try to find a logical reason why they behave the way they do, there is no logic, I’ve had so many goalposts moved its a wonder I know what the game is anymore. My oh is being so very nice just now, presiding food when I make it, NO FAULTS AT ALL🤣🤣Lets see how long that lasts.
Take care, you can do this.

IWMB 💕💕

[freedomtochoose]

Well done you for posting here. Well done also for the response you gave for your LO.
It will definitely do for the moment.
Christmas seems to be a loaded time for many of us. For many of us with such a past,
it is a search for new meanings and building a new idea and notion of family, which is
more solid, more caring and more meaningful by far than what we left behind.

Be kind to yourself, Christmas for many, many not an easy time.
all best
ftc
x

[itwillbeokay]

Hello.
I could’ve written your post.
I left earlier in the year with our two very young children and with ALOT of strength, ALOT of support (family friends and therapy) and ALOT of self help I’ve slowly slightly rebuilt myself. A bit. I’m doing okay and life is good. Mostly I enjoy it and I’m able to bat away the bad feeling because I refuse to let it bring me down. That sounds like I’m harsh. I’m anything but. But mostly I manage. But not today. I crumpled today. I guess we all do sometime. It made me realise it’s good to have a cry XX XX

[Whenwillifindhappiness]

Just a horrible weird feeling is t it. I suppose it’s all part of the recovery but I just want to understand what goes through his head but I suppose we never will. He could of sent a card to my mums etc just something but nothing and he really wonders why I refuse to let him see them? Nothing is about them. It’s all about how he’s feeling how he’s the victim. I’m not so sad about it now I’m more angry. The mixture of emotions we feel through this process is so overwhelming. The kids had a fantastic Christmas and that’s all that matters and in time when they understand and old enough I will be completely honest with them. Here’s to a happy abuse free 2019 xxxx

[Iwantmeback]

My ex husband didn’t abuse me as such, but he was manipulative and passive/aggressive. My children know why I left him now but can’t understand why I dont leave my oh now. It’s taken me a long time to see he’s abusing me and had them and still does by ignoring them, the children he claims to have cared for and brought up as his own. My own children who he’s tried so hard over (detail removed by Moderator) years to ostracize me from and its worked to a point, but I’m fighting to get out and have some kind of relationship with them but I’m scared they’ll be just as bad to me as he has been, I see him in them at times. 😔

IWMB 💕💕

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