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    • #163764
      browneyedmum
      Participant

      I did a pretty good job with our children for when they learned the truth around Santa. I told them, “The spirit of Santa is with us and we are each Santa’s helpers!” years ago and the children adopted that idea.

      Likely, like so many other women on this forum, I do have some dread around Christmas.

      However, this is the first year I get to mark presents that are from me, not from Santa … and not from my partner who has done so little within our children’s lifetimes to be pro-active in planning and looking after their happiness over any memorable milestone in their lives, nevermind Christmas.

      My husband and I are separated. He’s looking after himself while living in the family home. Meanwhile, I sorted advent calendars. I’ve sorted the gifts for the children already.

      By contrast in the past, he never made our children’s birthdays, Easter, Christmas and such a priority. At best, he goes out to buy things on the day of, and then feels sorry for himself after for not being there. It’s not like those dates change, and its on him for not prioritising those.

      So I am gleefully wrapping up Christmas gifts and these gifts are from me, not from Santa, and not from him.

      Also as an aside, I did get the Christmas tree out, he’s done nothing there. I guess that’s my job too.

    • #163804
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Thank you for sharing with us, browneyedmum.

    • #163806
      browneyedmum
      Participant

      Woohoo @Lisa you didn’t have to edit me for that one! =D

      ps– I’m taking on even the small wins! ;-P

      • #163807
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Absolutely, take all of the wins!

    • #163900
      Freedom1
      Participant

      What an amazing woman you are. You are an inspiration, thank you for sharing, really needed that tonight x

    • #163926
      Sungirl
      Participant

      I’m dreading Xmas, we are not in the family home and he is there decorating the house etc which he has NEVER done ever. He told the kids they could go round and help decorate a tree, luckily so far this hasn’t happened. We are staying with family so trying to focus on the positives. It’s all so hard to manage though

      • #163936
        browneyedmum
        Participant

        Clearly, he’s trying to love-bomb the kids. Keep strong xX

      • #163986
        NewAmsterdam
        Participant

        I’m going through the same right now 😞 He’s in the family home playing perfect dad, doing things he has never done before. My kids are loving it and I should be happy for them, but I’m so angry at him.

        I hope you have a peaceful Christmas. We can do this.

    • #163934
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      I love christmas but i dont love those butterflies worrying what mood hes gonna be in.
      He went out woeks xmas do and was so drunk he was sick and i had to shower him and out him to bed he slept whilst i cleaned up his mess was i angry? No i was releaved as it meant he was too drunk to bother me. Ive been ill so sex is not on the cards but it doesnt stop him from trying moaning and being nasty when i say no.
      Its always worse when he drinks. Lately hes been ok due to my illness but will it last?
      Holidays special occasions are always so hard we have to find a way to get through it.
      What you desceibe sounds amazing good on you cant have been easy but it sounds worth it. Xxxxx

      • #163937
        browneyedmum
        Participant

        If it helps and it might be a somewhat sad admission from me. But I’m a drunk. I have a dependency there that I’m not happy about at all. However, I’m not making my partner clean up after me. I’m not pressuring my partner into having unwanted sex.

        It might be worse when he’s drinking, but the drinking is not the cause of his sense of entitlement fulfilling his ‘needs’ with your body.

        Big hugs to you @nbumblebee

      • #163964
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        You really are an incredably brave lady.
        Thank you dor sharing. X*x

    • #163943
      swanlake
      Participant

      Christmas is now a difficult time for me with my abusive family. I’m still recovering from last year when I basically (detail removed by moderator) to appease my mum and visit her because she absolutely insisted. It’s awful the amount of danger that we put ourselves in for our abusers.
      This year she hasn’t bothered making any plans with me and hasn’t spoken to me for weeks apart from sending vile ‘jokes’ via social media. She’s so insensitive that she gives family members who are addicted to alcohol bottles of wine as Christmas gifts!
      I have a great life away from her so I’m trying to focus on that but it’s still hurtful and difficult to navigate this tricky time of year.

      • #163946
        browneyedmum
        Participant

        Sending you love and best wishes for a peaceful and fulfilling holiday season @swanlake. xX

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