Christmas thoughts

[Yellowflower]

So I’ve done ok in the lead up to Christmas. I’ve had some lovely friends and family around me and already made some lovely memories. A few things I found triggering are card buying I can’t even look at the section that says to the one I love. I struggled seeing families together when I was queuing to see Santa with our children. However I’ve kept myself so busy I think I’ve done ok. Until today and my thoughts are back there with him. Who is he waking up to on Christmas Day? Is there another lady in my place once our family home? Is he there spoiling her and forgetting I existed. This time last year was awful but I honestly believe I could fix himS I believed he would snap out of it. That’s we could be that happy family and it’s so sad that’s all gone. Tomorrow I will try to make as positive as I possibly can for our children they deserve it. But I’m annoyed at myself for missing him I thought I was doing ok. I’ve come so far and now feels like im going backwards.

[fizzylem]

Lots of triggers this time of year, as hard as it is that these invoke memories and emotional pain, it is needed, its a natural part of the grieving process YF; all you need to do is get through it and past it.

Try not torture yourself with these unwanted thoughts; be with your sadness yes, sadness for the children and that it isnt going to be the happy ending you wanted. The children will keep you occupied tomorrow and it will no doubt turn out to be a lovely day – especially as he is not there in presence to ruin it x

[KIP.]

Each year gets easier as you build new memories and new christmases. It’s okay to grieve for the relationship and future you thought you would have. Whoever or whatever he’s doing, just be glad he’s not targeting you. Time to put yourself first for a change. Try writing three positive things each day that you’re thankful for. It keeps your mind positive. Be kind to yourself. You’ve done more than okay. Anyone who survives an abuser deserves a 🏅 medal x have a happy and peaceful Xmas. Enjoy the kids, they grow so quickly. I’m estranged from my adult son but I have made many great memories to last. Make lots for yourself, take lots of pics x enjoy x

[Yellowflower]

Thank you fizzylem and kip for your replies. I think I’m still carrying a lot of guilt for splitting the family up as he says. This time last year I was covering everything up to everyone pretending we were this happy family and that everything was ok. That I was ok..but deep down I was screaming inside. I couldn’t cope anymore with it all and I wanted him to recognise It and get help so badly. I didn’t want to let go of that dream of being this lovely family I’ve always wanted because at times we were. That’s why I think it’s so hard to just move on like he does. I loved him with everything I had and it’s just hard to accept that he didn’t love me and that he abused me. That’s something I’m working on trying to accept and understand. I do feel sad that his missing out on so much. But I have to remind myself his had chance after chance to put it right and he says I’m the abuser. I will make new memories tomorrow with my family… not how I thought it would be but I still have them to love with all I am. I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas I really do xx

[fizzylem]

Hey, it wasnt you that broke the family up, it was his behaviour – no one throws a good man away!

Felt the same a long time ago, gave it and him my all, he sounds similar to my ex in that he cant accept any responsibility, plays the victim and will tell any poor fool that will listen that it was never him and always me – meh! Let him get on with it.

I’d like to think that one day it will hit these men and they will realise what they lost and destroyed, but I know that day will never come – so be it. Sadly, they only go on to make other people miserable as well.

The first one is the toughest. I made the second, third and fourth amazing and my children often talk about these as being the best. You’ll be back next year, ready to make a new – make it how you really want it to be for them. It’s going to be mixed with some sadness this year. Let it in – then let it go. Seasons wishes to you too x*x

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