This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Wildness 2 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #69832
     Wildness 
    Participant

    Hi I’m a newbie but beI n in a (detail removed by moderator) year abusive relationship! However I left (detail removed by moderator) years ago with my two kids due to strangulation and social care being involved 😢things were starting to settle I was moving on, however I had a call from his dr to say he attempted suicide I was next of kin. This started the contact again as I felt guilty and guilty for my kids they found out what he did through family members. We agreed to let him see kids and take things slow to build up conparenting relationship, but I feel trapped and slowly drawn into the games, control and manipulation and even though I can feel it and see it like I just go along as I’m expected to but making me ill as in mental health so frustrated and angry for being stupid and pushed everyone away I stopped going out or talking to family members I feel stuck 😢

  • #69835
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi, contact your local women’s aid. Threats of suicide are a very common tactic to reel us in. He strangled you. He is not your responsibility and not the kind of man you want comparenting. You need help. Ring the helpline number on here and find your local women’s aid. You broke free once before and you can break free once again. Isolation is another abusers tactic so try to rebuild relationships with supportive family and friends. Speak to his doctor and explain he is an abuser and tried to strangle you and you are not safe around him. Any contact with his children should be supervised at a contact centre if you’re going to allow contact which I would strongly advise against unless he goes down the appropriate legal route. Abusers never change. Now he has you back in his life it’s how he gets his narcissistic fuel. It makes him feel powerful to have control over you and he will happily abuse his children to achieve this. Keep reaching out for help. You do not have to have any contact at all with him. He is not your responsibility. Remove yourself as his next of kin and save yourself for your children’s sake. Otherwise he will suck the life from you, your mental health will deteriorate and even mor confusion will follow. Zero contact. It’s your right to decide who you allow in your life x

  • #69840
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    This is true unfortunately suicide or threat of it. is a very common abuser tactic. I had to deal with this too and i was hoovered right in.For a time, until I realised it was emotional blackmail. KIP is spot on hes not your responsibility. Its probably natural that we feel sorry for someone who sounds like they are in desperate need.You feel judged, but that is in “normal” circumstances. In this case this is a tactic and needs to be recognised as that, as it is very clear to us looking in. Ask yourself did he feel sorry for you or the kids when he attacked you? they premeditate these acts believe it or not. Put what your feeling to the side because he will use your kindness against you. As far as child contact your children will be damaged by him if its unsupervised. Weve been through very similar and I really hope that you can avoid any further pain and damage. It can take years to recover from a requires lots of trauma counselling. Save yourself put you and your children first he chose this path and his ultimate aim will be to destroy you xx i hope you can get support and stay strong. its the only way with these men. In times of doubt and panic remind yourself what he is capable off xx DIY

  • #69841
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Also should have said co-parenting or mediation with an abuser isn’t possible when theres power and control in effect, as no balance can really ever be struck xx

  • #70095
     Wildness 
    Participant

    Thanks ladies,

    I’m so stupid when comes to him!! Since then he started on my eldest daughter too she was mouthing off at him she slapped him he flipped his lid. Went for me police were called removed him I didn’t press charges over smashing my doors,they said has the go through mash team 😩so that going to kick social care off again.which worrying me sick as I’ve had dealings with these before and will they take my kids. Just a mess I went work came home the kids let him in again he sitting on my couch as if nothing has happened he just one headache back and forth like a yo-yo 😩

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