Clare’s Law

[Apples. Apples]

Hi all,

I have posted here before a few times.. And guess what I still haven’t left.. I haven’t even made any progress! I haven’t told anyone, I haven’t made solid plan.. I’m just really scared that if I leave he will find me or my family and hurt one of us.

The first thing I want to do is request information under Clare’s Law, however I’m even too scared to do that.

I have read in some places that if the police thinks he might be a threat they might contact him or arrest him.. And honestly it won’t be good for me if he find out i was checking him and planning to leave because he WILL find me after. He’s a very obsessive person, I know that from my own experience with him and I know that because he still talks about his ex girlfriend, remembers her address, says that he wants to drive up there or send her a nasty parcel.. He also knows her house was sold! And he gets very angry whenever he talks about how “awful and useless” she was.

I guess my question is: have any of you requested information on your partner under Clare’s Law? What was your experience? Is there a chance police will contact him?

[KIP.]

Talk to the domestic abuse unit of the police for reassurance. You don’t need to disclose the abuse he’s perpetrating on you and no they won’t contact him. They have a duty of care to you and it sounds like he may well have a history of domestic abuse. However, what do you think you will do with this information? Please contact women’s aid. They can guide you and keep you safe. These men control through fear. Lost of empty threats and hot air but it keeps us spinning.

[Apples. Apples]

Thank you for your reply. Once I have this information I will know how careful I need to be when leaving.. If I can stay with my family/friends or do I need to find my own place in a completely new location straight away..

I also thought of telling my family about the abuse so they can keep safe as well (he told me before he would like to hurt certain members of my family). We could then come up with a plan for everyone once we know how dangerous he really is.

[KIP.]

Definitely confide in your family. Abuse thrives on silence. Talk to your local women’s aid. You already know he’s dangerous and he’s already threatened your family. The police can act also to help protect you once they know that he’s an abuser. You could also talk to women’s aid about a refuge at least for a while until you decide what you want to do. You would be safe there. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline to discuss this. Start keeping a secret journal of his behaviour. Keep all messages from him as evidence. You have time to prepare to leave safely but meantime please ring 999 if you feel threatened.

[KIP.]

Abusers are liars and manipulators and they’re not so brave when faced with police and courts and their behaviour is exposed for the world to see. There’s lots of help out there but you can’t do this alone x you deserve better x

[Author]

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