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So pleased to be finally posting on this thread.
So my story has been an emotional rollercoaster of coming to terms with what has happened, finding my own closure as abusers refuse to provide any, and healing.
For anyone who is earlier in the recovery process, I want to give you this message. Once you have worked through all the conflicting emotions, the denial, the disbelief, and confusion, you reach a point where your logical mind kicks in. This is where I am now. I can now see clear as day that what I escaped was toxic. The good times are a distraction, a smokescreen from what is really happening. I can now see the subtle things I overlooked. In reality, the good times were actually few and far between. They were strategically done to keep me hooked.
All done to serve the Devil’s purpose. I was not even a factor worth considering. I was a servant.
Once you reach this point, it is liberating. I feel like I have been set free. I am looking forward to the future, and can now very much enjoy the present. I wish I knew this in the dark times, so by saying this, I really hope I am giving others hope.
Hang in there. I won’t lie, it has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but I promise it is worth it. YOU are worth it xx
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Thankyou so much for posting this and a huge well done to you. Makes me emotional to read as I dream of this feeling one day. I really hope I can get to this stage. I’ve left but not long and have to sort out mortgage etc and things but the promising stories helps. the trauma bond is the difficult thing! I hope my story will end up being all worth it!
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Thank you for this. I moved out a couple of months ago. The first 2-3 weeks I felt great. Now I feel so sad & depressed. I’m beginning to think no matter what I do I’ll never be truly happy. I thought when I left him I’d be happy again. I have zero motivation for anything and as I’m off work for summer I am lying around the house doing nothing. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I’m also having a few beers at night just to help me sleep but I know I need to stop this because 1. I’ve an addictive personality & 2. I can’t afford it.
I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel & I know it’s early days but I just keep thinking back to the good times we had.
Sorry for rambling on. I’m just so alone-
bless your heart, i hope reading this post that texas has written at least gives you a glimmer of hope. because hope will be the very last thing you will feel when you are still suffering such withdrawal symptoms
most survivors have such compulsive intrusive thoughts as a way of trying to process what really happened when you were with your abuser, due to just how confusing these relationships always are. and recalling the good times is probably a way of achieving the high of chemicals that are now absent by being away from your partner. as those highs & lows become a big part of our lives with them
when you remember these good times it can help to think that they were actually part of the abuse – creating a trauma bond & keep you hooked. so they were not experienced with this ‘wonderful’ person you thought they were – it was just times when they decided to be nice to you
whenever you get these thoughts it might help to try & immediately think of the bad times too as this will at least help you remain in reality
it can be extremely lonely during this stage so keep connecting with those who have experienced it themselves – those who know exactly how you feel so they can support you. this forum is just the place to be as there is nothing but kindness understanding & support for you here x
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Hey little pixie.
I feel same. I feel lost and emotional all the time. I too have a addictive personality whether it’s food or drink or structure in life.
im finally getting help and pressing charges after years of abuse. But for some reason I still feel like c**p for him weirdly.
he doesn’t deserve it and I know I’ll be strong and the normal me one day so you have hope too xx
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