Co parenting

[Freedom @]

I’m the primary parent for the children. Ex doesn’t see them much, every few weeks for a night/his decision and an hour or two here and there but when he does they often don’t want to go. I do 99 percent of the parenting but I don’t really mind as I don’t have to see him much that way. However because he’s not seeing them much and I guess they’re not very comfortable with him he wants to come to our house to spend a bit of time with them which I’m really uncomfortable about as I let him do that once before and I know it was a bad idea after. It was foolish I know and now I’m scared he’ll try and get his foot back in the door. How do I get out of it. I thought things would get better after separation but he’s still wrecking with my head. There is nothing legal in place I’m thinking I’ll have to go that road if he keeps pressuring me to see them in my house. My stomach turns at the thought of him being in my house. I feel he’s bulldozing my boundaries all over again. Aarrgh

[Hereforhelp]

Hi he is certainly trying to push again… it may be helpful to contact
Rights of Women provide free legal advice. They have a lot of information about Family Law on their website as well as a phone line, 020 7251 6577.

It is ypur home so you have every right to.decide who comes in and who doesn’t, he knows this and is deliberately pushing. I would advise to get something put in place legally. Free 30 mins with solicitors are also helpful.

Stay safe ❤️

[Bananaboat]

I get this, my ex is like yours picking and choosing times, as little as ossicle time with his child as he can get away with. Mine tries to get me to stay when I drop off so I wondered if you could you meet somewhere neutral like a park or bowling alley? I know you don’t want to spend time with him I get it, and he’ll be acting all happy families when you know the reality, but it would be less confusing for the kids and keep your home a safe place. Just an idea x

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Freedom

you need to prevent him coming to your home as he is no longer a resident there and you have separated, it is completely inappropriate to let him back in. Not on for you, but also for the children to understand boundaries, and that this is your home now, not his, or they will confuse their boundaries also, and think there is no such boundary and that their abusive father can come and go as he pleases.

You all need this sanctity of your home space, never to be invaded again, never.

Say, he can name a place outside, thats child appropriate and you will drop them there, if they are happy to be left. If they are not happy to go and be left alone with their father, then maybe look to a contact centre and they will do all the arranging, and supervise, if he’s not happy with that then he can apply to court, but the important thing is you never see him again, and hopefully the children won’t be exposed to his abuses again.

warmest wishes

ts

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