Co parenting with a ** ex

[Buttercup2022@]

Does anyone have any experience of their (detail removed by Moderator) ex manipulating their children to move in with them? My (detail removed by Moderator) year old has (detail removed by Moderator). He is easily influenced especiallly by his dad. He has gone to stay with his dad and says he’s never coming back. What are others experiences? Shall I expect him back? If so when!?
I am concerned that something bad will happen whilst he’s in his dads care which will lead to a very damaged child when/if he returns
I am extremely stressed by the situation right now and don’t know what to do next. I’ve been sending brief messages to my son so he knows I’m thinking of him and love him. He either ignores me or sends swear words back.

[Better-days]

Hi buttercup I just want to reach out. I have absolutely no advice but this is my worst fear. My oldest son would say things just to please his dad and can be easily manipulated. This is partly why I’m still in the relationship torturing myself about allowing my kids to grow up thinking his attitude is ok and leaving and putting them at more risk it’s so hard. your sons being brainwashed by his dad the fear u felt at times the things you done to keep the peace your son is now doing he knows you love him and he dosnt have to please you so I wish I had the easy answer to getting your son back I hope you do soon big hugs x*x

[Littlepixie]

Sounds like my son. I’m in the process of trying to leave my husband. I would have walked away years ago if it was just me and my daughter. My husband has always said he’ll fight me for our son and I’ll lose him and my daughter will lose her brother. I know my son loves me but I know that his dad will guilt trip him into staying. I feel torn as my daughter refuses to stay her when her dad is here. She said that he needs to learn but I know no matter how much his dad shouts at him etc he’ll always forgive him. I’m the one leaving the house as he will never leave which makes it harder because I’m taking his son out of the only home he’s ever had. I constantly feel sick, can’t sleep and only for my daughter I’d probably just stay and live with it. Sending love ❤️

[Buttercup2022@]

Hi both.

Thank you for replying.
I often wonder what I did that was so wrong to deserve such a bad marriage. My biggest fear is that I won’t have a positive relationship with my children when they’re adults. I grew up in a toxic abusive household and as a result I don’t have a great relationship with my mum. Everyone says that my son will see through his dad’s ways eventually but at what cost? My ex has been on an almighty smear campaign so his family don’t speak or have anything to do with me. I am worried that their influence will push my son further away from me and it will be years before he recognises what I have been trying to do.
I have always been one step ahead and knew how to react to the situation, now I have no idea what to do next and I cannot tell you how stressful that is.

Sending strength to you both. I am glad I left my ex, as hard as it is right now. I could never ever go back and deep down i know I did the right thing

[Littlepixie]

Oh I know. (detail removed by moderator) Unfortunately I need to keep it to myself at the moment because I don’t want my son knowing I looked at his messages. My husband is very good at playing mr fantastic & I know he’s already been bad mouthing me to people we both know. I just wish I was out of here. I’m really struggling to get somewhere to rent. Hardly any houses & because I’m on a low salary what landlord would want me, a single parent with 2 kids.
Some days I feel like ending it but I can’t leave my kids behind especially my daughter. She needs me xx

[Buttercup2022@]

Oh bless you. People tell you to be strong but sometimes you need to break before you can build yourself back up again. Do you have any local services you could reach out to support. I was supported by (detail removed by moderator), they were amazing and really helped me to see the light in the dark days.
Take good care of yourself

[Littlepixie]

I had an appointment at the housing executive and she was lovely. She said she’ll try her best to get me as many points as possible but it could be a long wait. She said to keep looking for a private rental. She is emailing me details of a number that can help with what I might be entitled to & she also talked about a charity that can help towards a deposit for my first payment if I get a private rental.
I was so nervous going in but she was very understanding. I’ve never had to ask for help or claim for anything and I was so reluctant to call them but my WA support worker encouraged me to ring them. I’ve a telephone appointment with UC as well. I would just like to know exactly what I’ll be getting & what I’m entitled to like free school meals & uniform grant as my son will need a new blazer. Coming up to the weekend is always a bad day for me because he’s here all weekend x

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