Coercive about sex?

[Enidblyton]

I have a few illnesses that make sex seem really off putting to me. So, I don’t think I have it as much as my husband would like. When it’s been a while (say 2 weeks) he will often start complaining, counting (detail removed by moderator) to show how long it’s been, saying things like, ‘this is ridiculous – (detail removed by moderator)’. Anyway, tonight we went out after I’d been stuck in for several days due to illness. While we were out, I’d had a couple of cocktails and mentioned, (detail removed by moderator) seen as though I feel better tonight and I’m always ill. When we returned home, I was exhausted, I cuddled into him and he said, (detail removed by moderator). I said, oh no, I’m so tired, he then jumped out of bed and shouted that I was a (detail removed by moderator) and stomped off downstairs for the night (still there now). Is this a normal argument, especially considering what I had mentioned earlier in the evening?

[Anonymous]

You have every right to say no at any point in time.it doesn’t make u anything.if he doesn’t like that it’s his issue .

[Jedi warrior]

Hi yes it’s coercive behaviour very similar to what I experienced from my ex during a long marriage it is all about their needs for years I knew it made me unhappy and anxious because I knew if I said no. The anger from him would be I wasn’t too tired to do what I wanted or he would say save some energy for him would slam doors sulk ..wear me down until I said oh OK then .. he would also point out how long it had been yet it was usually only days since last time would talk about it daily ..its taken me some time to accept its abuse that’s why I joined this forum as so many women on here have similar experience I am in a relationship now where its OK to have affection but not always expectations from my partner that means it has to end in sex ..its so wrong to have sex with someone who clearly does not want to ..

[Enidblyton]

Thank you for replying.l very much appreciated it. It really helps me validate my feelings, as he never does this.
Yeah, I’ve realised. it is so very often about his needs. He’s very angry this morning. Stomping about for work and sent me messages saying, I’m taking the p**s and I 100 percent lead him on. He also said if the sex is unwanted then (detail removed by moderator).
I did try to leave last year and it ended up being a year from hell. It has been much easier staying and just trying to defend myself (point out when he is very wrong, which I do each and every time) unfortunately this leads to him stringing the argument out as he won’t ever admit he is wrong. But,
I always stick to my guns. I know I’m weak for not leaving, but at least it’s something.
I have messaged him saying unwanted sex is exactly that. Unwanted, and I have every right to say no.

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