Coercive control

[Chameleon]

I was advised to join a group and talk about my experience with coercive control and n******tic abuse. I know these are things and they happen but I just feel like I don’t need help as much as others because of my experiences with working (detail removed by Moderator).

I don’t know why. I just don’t feel worthy of help or support etc.

I’ve had to live with my ex husband for a very long period of time (detail removed by Moderator) and finally get a place of my own etc. In those years I’ve struggled financially and with my health all of which he used to control me etc.

Is it abuse? The logical part of me says yes, the emotional part of me says, not really…
😔

[Camel]

Hi Chameleon

Welcome to the forum.

Can I ask, which is it? You don’t need help or you don’t deserve help?

You’ve emerged from years of trauma and it would be tempting to think you’re at the end. But in many ways you’re at the beginning.

It’s difficult to process our own experiences. We doubt our own realities. It won’t do you any harm, and will maybe do you some good, to open up and ask questions. I’m sure you’re coping well but it’s always a good idea to truly understand what we’ve been through. If we don’t there’s a big chance we’ll find ourselves walking straight into another abusive relationship.

[Chameleon]

Thanks for your reply. I feel like I don’t deserve the help and support as I’ve in no way suffered like others etc. It’s just difficult to rationalise it all. I know I’m just at the beginning and that is partly why I’ve come here for support but also I find it difficult to talk to many people about what I’ve been through.
Thanks again Camel

[Catjam]

Hi, I have been exactly the same. Unsure if it is or isn’t but I have just read a book by Don Hennessy on the subject and it hit home big time. It’s how these men brain wash and condition us so they don’t have to do much at all. Currently reading another of his books.

[Chameleon]

Thanks for your reply Catjam. I’m sorry you have been through similar things. Good to hear that you found the books useful. If I could concentrate I’d give the books a read but I struggle to focus much right now and I’m so exhausted after work etc.

[Camel]

Everyone’s experience is unique and none of us is more or less deserving of support than anyone else.

I found it really helped me to dip into short articles on the internet. And obviously finding this forum. Books can be daunting and often feel more of a chore than a help.

Rest is so important too. If you need to zone out, watch rubbish telly, sleep… do it. There is no rush to DO anything. Every day will bring more understanding and healing, whether you’re consciously working at it or not.

[Author]

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