• This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Anonymous.
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    • #16428
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      It has been suggested that I go for coercive control, from what I have read this is really hard to prove. It would be my word against his. This is the person that literally walks away from most things the rest of us would be charged with, his likeability factor is up there with the best. I have none of the above in my favour and while professionals may come to my aid I suspect that a lot of it is to help him so he does not mess up his life completely.

      From what i was told today, the PPU have closed everything down cos I know what I am doing but they have come up with this suggestion as a way of getting an outcome that means he will learn that he cant behave in that way and there will be some sort of education around controlling behaviour etc.

      Whilst I like the idea of him having some form of help I suspect that it wont go to plan, the firearm thing never did, the drugs thing never did. Do I really want to try again? Is there any point do I actually think I could come against him and win. Has anyone any experience in this coercive control because it is fairly new ?

    • #16432
      godschild
      Participant

      Who are the PPU. I dont think you would have a chance with coersive control ,he would lie his way out of it,as you say you have to have proof,it seems hard enough when there has been real physical assault to get much justice.
      Just going for it would in my opinion make him worse towards you ,he wants to control you with fear and if you go against that he will treat you worse.
      I real;y dont think it would help him in anyway as he seems quite content in treating you as he does, he would most likey play a game with them and make out he was learning just to avoid any further penalites.
      Who has suggested this, I dont think they realise how manilpulative these abusers can be or how unsafe for you to go for this ans have to have him living with you and terrifying you.
      This is my opinion on it all,you need much more understanding of it, you could speak to the national womens aid helpline and see what they advise xx

    • #16436
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I think very like you Godschild, I am of the view why put myself through it, I can’t prove it and I usually end up being the bad guy. The PPU is the public protection unit they do a great job but I was not very nice to them when they involved childrens services last time so they dont deal with me anymore at all. If they have anything to say they go through our local police, I trust them because they dont give me bull they say it as it is. I am no good at dealing with professionals or other people in general I come across as rude and I go into anxiety mode and just try to shut them down. x

    • #16437
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Wow, this is shocking. Can you evict him after what he has done? Would you get any support with that?
      When I fled from my adopted son I went to another country. I had no chance to get away from him. Going to another country was the only way to get away from him. The authorities protected him and would have sacrificed my life. I am shocked that here it is not any different.

    • #16452
      godschild
      Participant

      My concern is if he was evicted, he would cause a lot more hassle and threats

    • #16463
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi Godschild and Ayanna, I have to confess I am a little shocked at the outcome myself. When the police asked me tonight would i ring them if I thought I was in real danger I was honest and said no. Did i think he could carry out his threats and I said some of them yes, some I take with a pinch of salt. Certain ones I would never ignore, like fire because I have seen how excited he gets when is around it.

      There has been a conversation tonight with an officer about openly challenging him about his behaviour and I have to confess that I am a little dubious about this because the more they say they know the more he knows i have been talking and I am not sure how that will pan out for me.

      They want to help him and good luck to them I just hope to god they don’t place me in the firing line in the process. Things never go quite as I expect them too so at the moment I am very much throwing my hands in the air and saying do what you like and hoping it don’t go pear shaped. The coercive control thing I dont for one minute think I stand a chance because it is my word against his and I think we know how that is going to go x

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