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    • #126466
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      Today I had to face collecting my things from the marital home. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and there would be mixed emotions. I was right, it was so hard! Leaving a place that my children grew up in and some happy memories. The flip side of that is the bad memories, I had a panic attack whilst sorting bits out and couldn’t breathe! I didn’t know if it was sadness? Fear? Or just the enormity of it all. I can’t help but think how happy I was when I was first married, I stood tall and I was proud. Now I’m a wreck of a person that can hardly function..

      Today was a hard day as I’m still not sure how I got through it or even if I did!?

      Feeling lost in this world.

    • #126468
      Ocean
      Participant

      Hi Cantmakedecisions,

      It is hard. But well done getting out!
      I know the feeling.
      It’s crazy looking back to the beginning, how much hope and love we had for them. You’ve been through a lot. And you have survived. Give yourself time to process the emotions and memories. I had a time of grieving after we separated. It’s normal, you are human. Abusers tend to take our humanity away. My ex would shout at me when I would cry because of his abuse.
      Cry all you want, laugh all you want, and do what you want.
      I hope your life is filled with joy as you experience freedom xx

    • #126470
      Blondexxxx
      Participant

      Hope you ok, I remember when I had to do that, twice, I went back after the first time then it happened again.

      Packing all your things from a home you shared memories is so heartbreaking, but it is another step towards closure.

      Keep strong x*x

    • #126478
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Hon, well done for getting through that. I think it seems like a shift in your thinking, kind of an acceptance that you are moving on. That can be really liberating but also really sad because any hope that you might have been holding that you could have a happy future together has been snuffed out. Despite everything that he continues to put you through, you do still need to mourn that loss.

      I know it’s hard to see right now but there will be an end to all of this – bit by bit you are gaining strength. Remember where you were this time last year and compare it with the you now. There is a big difference. Keep pushing forward. You’re doibrilliantly.

      Please message if you need to. xx

    • #126727
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      Thanks. Yes, I do feel like I’m mourning a loss even if what I’m losing is mostly good.

      Eggshells you’re right, this time last year was horrendous and thinking back I can’t quite believe I’m here and I got through it. However if someone had told me what I’d still be dealing with then I’m not sure how I would react…

      I’m still here, but I’m tired.

    • #126735
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I know hon. You have had a particularly horrendous time of it; I’m not surprised you’re exhausted. But look at you now. You are moving forward and you are gaining pace with it too. I’ve met some incredibly courageous people in my life, many of them on this forum. We don’t always know the intimate details of everyone’s struggle whether it is a struggle within the relationship or a struggle leaving it. But I know your story and I am awed at how you are pushing through everything.

      Keep going @cantmakedecisions. You are doing so well.

      I know that you can’t let your foot off the gas for a few days at the moment but you will be able to give yourself a bit of a break soon. I’m the meantime, if you can find just 20 mins a day on self care (walk, music, mindfulness) it will help to re-energise you to get you through tomorrow. xx

    • #126754
      Cantmakedecisons
      Participant

      Thanks Eggshells. I’m trying x

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