Coming out of denial again

[Trueblue]

So i was on this forum before as mellowyellow, some may remember me, hello. Had another child and all was ok, he got medication for OCD and has calmed down but little ‘jokes’, criticism etc creeping back in. Just after a bit of reassurance really. I did leave and then got back here, had another kid and forgot everything. Is this normal?!
This lockdown is highlighting everything. I am working from home, he is furloughed but i still do pretty much all the childcare. Am exhausted, lost a lot of weight and after had baby i had very bad anxiety, which i still have. I get no support for it, he wont even acknowledge it, looks down on me, although ive supported his mental health issues.
These are the things he does: doesnt get up until i wake him, cant be too early, he will shout at me if i come in with the baby who is crying and say i just need a hand now please. Says i need to wake him nicely. He does no parenting really, doesnt engage with the kids and sits (detail removed by moderator) one infront of ipad while i try to work. He keeps having sleepovers with her, which basically means he lets her watch the ipad till she falls asleep…other day was (Detail removed by moderator) when she woke him up cos it died. She was then very irritable next day,and he just napped. It is like this every bedtime, he will just roll over watch his phone while i put our child to bed, she sleeps in with us. He called me r******d the other day. Said i yhink you have mental retardation or a serious memory problem, i asked you to wring out cloths after use and you havent. (He had told me to do that, i had done one but the other not very well. He actually threw them in the washing up bowl. Keeps calling me naggy, so much my daughter calls me it but he says it is a joke and im too sensitive but i do nag a lot.

Anyway, sorry this is quite rambled. Trying to get it all down. Thanks for support and love to you all x

 

 

[Iwantmeback]

Hi and welcome back💞 forgetting what we went through is nature’s way. How many of us remember the pain of childbirth until that first contraction? It’s nature’s way or else we’d never go there again.
You’re not rambling, confusion comes from the chaos we live in. You’re daughter is repeating words she’s hearing, she has no idea what they mean, but she’ll continue to pick up his bad ways as they will be part of her ‘normal’life. The only way to prevent that is he either stops(not going to happen) or you leave and never have anything to do with him. It’s good you know you have here to talk on, took me years before I found this safe place. You’re not too sensitive and you’re not nagging. You’re asking fir help, hope is that nagging. Abusers see any form of talking to them as confrontation, feel they have to go on the defensive, lash out or be boorish to prove they won’t be bullied!! Sadly most of these men are their own worst enemies, what they fear most in the world,being abandoned, will happen as we just can’t take their abusive behaviour forever. You have children now, you are so much stronger than you know, you fell for his lies, his promises, you’re human after all, so be kind to yourself💜
Reaching out on here, that’s your first steps away from abusive behaviour, the rest will follow. Try and eat healthier food, little and often, or appetite goes when we’re living with trauma, drink plenty of water, keeps the headaches at bay, clears the fuzzy head. I stopped drinking altogether when I was with him. That way I was always aware of what was being said and done and I journaled like mad. Take the little ones out fir your permitted exercise just now, distance yourself from his moods, his childish behaviour. Do you remember using the grey rock method the last time. Check it out online when you can.
Take care and welcome back.
IWMB 💞💞

[Hazydayz]

Hello Trueblue. Welcome back to the sanctuary this place offers us all. I am a very new member, joined a few days ago, still finding my way slowly round the site. I haven’t began to tell my story yet, but l just wanted to offer a little support to you and say…I feel for you. Fingers crossed you find all old friends here very soon. Take care x

[Trueblue]

Thank you lovely ladies. It is so nice to just be heard isnt it. Can’t tell friends who heard it before as they just despair. Friends who don’t know i don’t want them to hate him. We have moments of normality, i feel like a happy family. Then he shouts me down, criticises or just doesnt help me. My head just instantly forgets he can be so mean. I just dont want to break the family up although i know it would be better in the long run. I just burn off nervous energy all the time. I left before as he grabbed me by the (detail removed by moderator) and pushed me then another time he pulled me onto the bed and i had a bad bruise on my (detail removed by moderator). He went to counselling and i got talked into returning as daughter was crying for him. He hasn’t shown signs of physical violence since. Just constant put downs and leaving me to do most of child care.

Iwantmeback, oh grey rock yes i need to remind myself! Thanks for your kind words. Hazydayz you will share if/when you feel ready. Really helps to read other’s stories 🙂 so nice to know we are nor alone. Dont really know what i will do, i guess just get my head straight and tell myself it isnt me and i am not mad, i should not be treated like this. It is the problem with being emempathetic and people pleaser, we just forgive and forgive dont we. Just be nice to be looked after and a partner to say im here for you.

 

[Trueblue]

Sending love to you all. Oh i started a new account as i couldnt remember my log in x*x

[Alwayssmilingoutside20]

I am so new here So don’t feel I can offer much advice but I could of wrote your post when my youngest was a baby. Your situation sounds so much like mine.
I live off of no sleep and nervous energy, and also forget all the hurtful horrible things within hours, I find it so strange that that happens.
Reading that you have to wake him nicely and he gets angry if the baby is crying, it’s so awful having to tread on eggshells and not feel comfortable enough to ask for help and not be met with aggression.
Your so strong 💪🏻 Coping with all the childcare and working. Look after yourself and vent here 💜 xxxx

[Author]

Posts