Coming to terms

[Nybur]

Hi. I have very reciently come out of an abusive relationship. I have children and one is with my abusive ex.

He physically assaulted me (detail removed by moderator) and he went to prison for a short time. I stuck by him as I didn’t realise at the time the emotional abuse he was inflicting on me. Promising to change, it won’t happen again, you are my life, I love you etc..

When he got out of prison we were not allowed a relationship around the children which was difficult and went on for over (detail removed by moderator) but we worked with social services and he was allowed back home not long ago.

First week was a dream come true, he would take his child to day care so I could sort myself and the other children out for work and school. Then the drinking and weed smoking increased dramatically. He would leave me in the lounge to smoke weed and drink all night, come (detail removed by moderator) he would then go to bed. This happened day after day. He wouldn’t allow the children to make noise, I wasn’t allowed to shower in the morning and blow dry my hair in my own bedroom, my alarm, that I would snooze a few times would make him angry, he was drinking up to 12 cans of beer a day, sometimes starting at (detail removed by moderator) and smoking weed from the moment he woke up. We were top toeing around a monster. The silence was killing me and I realised I was more lonely when he was here than when he was not. (detail removed by moderator) he fell asleep so drunk on the sofa, he woke up to go to bed, fell on the floor face first and stayed there. He went to a friends house (detail removed by moderator) and we had a fall out, by the time he returned, his belongings were on the door step. He was then messaging me calling me a fat c**t, fat slob etc.. he has said things like this before, then when grovelling told me he never meant it and he doesn’t care what size I am.
He’s saying ever likely he can’t come during intercourse, I repulse him. He’s forgetting that’s only when he’s drunk though.

I’m new to being single, with children. I go to work also. I drove past him (detail removed by moderator) and he shouted (detail removed by moderator).

He didn’t take a bath, shower or have a wash in the few weeks he was home, his hair is overgrown and he just doesn’t take care of himself. How dare he comment on my apperiance?

I guess I want to know, does he really think I’m that fat and repulsive? I’m a (detail removed by moderator) and I’m tall, it’s not like I lay around on the sofa, I go to work. I’m not even bothered if he thinks I’m fat and repulsive, it bothers me that others may do as well, or is it just a hurt tactic?

He’s also called my children ungrateful little b******s. Shouting at me to go and spend time with my kids, saying I’m the worlds worst mother.

I’m just finding it difficult to function right now. I’m very hurt. I just keep thinking to myself, all he did was have an attitude with us, shout at us and make us feel uneasy. He wouldn’t spend time with us as he was busy smoking weed and drinking. My time not working is spent at home with the kids. I have my moments where I just feel like screaming because the kids don’t listen, doesn’t everybody?

I feel like the worlds fattest, laziest, worst mum x

[Lisa]

Hello Nybur,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find the support you are looking for here.

I am sorry to hear how your ex-partner treated you. It is clear from your post that you are a brilliant mum to your children. Try not to believe his abusive words, you are doing great- you and your children will now be able to live without being on edge, without abuse and fear.

It can be an emotional rollercoaster in an abusive relationship and then dealing with the aftermath so try to be kind to yourself and take time to recover. Do you have any support in place? The 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline is available on 0808 2000 247. The Helpline Workers can listen to you and can signpost you to other helpful organisations. Your local support group can be found here. They can often offer ongoing emotional and practical support.

Keep posting to us when you can. You are doing brilliantly.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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