12th May 2016 at 8:36 am #17017Confused123Participant
HI so im at a workshop today and the faciliator was saying how we shouldnt study when we stress due to seperation as it effects our focus, he went on to give example how this guy seperated and can now no longer see his kids as his partner moving town and how much of emotional impact it had on the guy and he had reached rock bottom not been able to see his kids. So now im sitting here thinking am i wrong for not letting ex see kids. I know our scenario is different as we were with abusers . My ex emotional abused kids my degrading them, in his own way im sure he did love them, but i am in class feeling bad that he has no contact with his kids, even eldest has gone no contact even though he struggles, im thinking should i just text him kids are ok , but then will he take it as a invite to come back into my life and take it as a hint i want communciation with him. I know any communciation with him messes with my head , we are currently about to start financial proceedings which will prob lead to stress and arguments, but still i think he should be told his kids r ok,,, this must be so hard, i know if i couldnt see kids it would rip me up, but then my other side is saying but he messes with kids head as well as mine so why make contact, hope i make sense feel as if im repeating myself …not sure what to do even though while im writing this my gut is staying dont make contact, but then theres that horrible guilt it must be hurting him loads not knowing how kids are
12th May 2016 at 10:27 am #17032AyannaParticipant
Aww, forget the guy points. No contact is the best solution. These men cannot move me to tears with their pitiful stories. Carry on what you are doing.
I hope you have support to stay strong. Do not even tell him anything, he is s**m of this earth and does not deserve any information about his kids.
All these people who try to make us understand men, they can go figure.
We only need to read the news what men do when they are allowed contact to their kids and partners.
And our own experiences …
Do not feel guilty. Keep him out of your lives.
12th May 2016 at 11:46 am #17043SuntreeParticipant
In your heart you know the truth.
I overwrote what was in my heart and what knew would happen. Because the court SS and others told me but he was a good father.
Fathers rights must come first not the children’s.
poor old dad.
That so called Dad has a sob story for every relationship he had destroyed about how hard done by he was.
To make it believable he sprinkles in a nugget of truth and a whisper of an apology for his part. He’s good at it.
I was made to send mine to him and I told them what he would do.
I’m currently retrying to rebuild thier lives because he has for now disappeared. But not without sowing the seeds of blame on to them for his actions.
Ignore the poor men woes the current system gives them more rights than the health and welfare of anyone else.
Remember you wouldn’t be doing any of this if he was a honestly good dad
12th May 2016 at 12:03 pm #17046SerenityParticipant
That guy does to know your ex. He doesn’t know what he did to you. You know. You lived it.
He didn’t care about the effect on the children. Unfortunately, we keep on hoping that there is a little piece of goodness in them that will override their selfishness, that they will be motivated to be good dads, but the truth is that their selfishness will always override everything. Any contact will be laced with manipulation, unkindness and emotional abuse, and no child is unaffected by this.
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