Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    • #15633

      So we had another argument – I’ll try and keep it short.
      Basically he brought up the issue about me ‘not being able to take criticism’ using the example of when we were out a few days ago which I will briefly outline:
      When we were walking, he basically accused me of looking at another man who was walking in the opposite direction to us. We were all on the same side of the pavement. I was walking in front of my ‘partner’ and then the man passed us. As he walked away, my ‘partner’ made a joke about the guy’s hairstyle and asked me to me ‘did you see that?” (referring to the guy’s hair).
      I said yeah. My mistake right there.
      My partner then went on to say (criticise) that how could I have I seen the hairstyle if I was not looking at the man? I replied back you always want to me to be ‘vigilant’ and ‘aware’ of my surroundings so how can I do that without looking around me?
      He then went on to say: yh but I shouldn’t be looking at the man otherwise he might get the wrong idea and think you’re interested in him.
      so I said back: there was a guy walking ahead in our direction and there was pavement sign on my right blocking the way so I walked quickly past it so that I wouldn’t bump into him before he passed us.
      Anyway the convo / argument / disagreement …whatever it was went on for a bit but died down after we went into another shop.
      So back to the argument at home, he brought this incident up to ‘analyse it’ (after he criticised me for being too negative because I said ‘I have a lot of work to do’ which wasn’t a negative answer. I was responding to him after he asked me what was on my mind). Anyway, analysing the ‘looking at the man incident’ he said that >> I have to realise that I’m like a luxury car people can’t afford – like a Ferrari. When people see it, they want to take pictures of it but they can’t have it. Even though I don’t see myself as beautiful, I am so he is very protective, overprotective of me and I have to take steps to prevent people getting the wrong impression<<(all his words not mine).

      All I could think of as he was saying this was the similar victim blaming of women if they are abused (e.g.) harassed/groped/raped – that women have to take steps to avoid being raped and the fault doesn’t lie with the perpetrators themselves.

      He’s effectively telling me that it’s MY responsibility to stop people looking at ME in public..? Like I have some sort of control over their eyes? Bear in mind that he is not religious so I don’t even know where he gets his rationale from.

    • #15640

      Sorry if I sound rude but he can go and F off with his c**p Line, that’s exactly what it is . A line to mess with your head and mental well being . My ex used to stay stupid pointless things , we start over thinking about it which is exactly whAt they want , reality is his line is pointless . If your beautiful good for u , u don’t need to chAnge your dress sense or appearance . My ex used to say well if j don’t dress appropriately u asking for trouble . Well I replied how about u men just learn to keep your d3cks in your pants . If your Ferrari tell him people love and care for there Ferrari maybe he should do same

      • #15788

        He’s always making a stupid, pointless, contradictory statements about me. Telling me that I’m ‘beautiful’, I could be ‘a model’ but then controlling everything I eat, everything I wear, telling me I look like a child without make-up – even when I have make-up on he says ‘it helps’ – and then when I get upset and self-conscious he tells me ‘theres noting you can do to change your appearance’. Like w*f? He keeps telling me to do things that will make me look ‘older’ then complains when we go outside that ‘I’m drawing attention to myself.

        You make good point refering back to his absurd farrari comment – he should take care of me not try and change me, ‘shape me’ he’s told me into something I’m not. Something he wants me to be.

        The first line of your reply actually made me laugh Confused123, but it’s so true!

    • #15653

      Gas lighting. Denying he is jealous and insecure and trying to make out it’s your fault for daring to share the planet with other men.

      • #15790

        Yes Serenity! He is so paranoid and possessive; it drives me insane. I’m only just finding out what gas lighting is but from what I’ve understood from it so far, he does that all the time.

        Another thing that I hate is that he is always ‘Mr I’m Always Right’ – when he ‘remembers’ something (that I don’t and probably because he’s made it up or distorted ) it had to had happened, 100%. Always Fact. Don’t even try to challenge because he’s right. However, when I remember something (that he doesn’t) I am always wrong and it never happened. It can’t have happened because he would have remembered. It 100% didn’t happen.

        That annoys me SO much.

    • #15703

      I think he is running out of ideas …
      Now his true face comes out …

      • #15791

        yes Ayanna, he says the most contradictory things I just find it really annoying. He aslo atributes all the things he does onto me. He keeps saying things like ‘what if you don’t like anymore and leave me’ or ‘he’s scared that one day I’ll blame him for me not going to uni and having a job’. It’s like a double bluff I think. He’s trying to work out if I’ve figured out what his true intentions are. I still pretend that I don’t but I’m not able to sleep properly and I’ve been feeling nauseous since coming out of complete denial and he’s noticed that. I just blame it on the stress of work but I’m scared he’s sensing that I don’t like his behaviour anymore.

    • #15784

      Urgh I remember almost identical conversations with my ex. He also used to compare me to a luxury car…and that he owns me basically. I agree with the others (especially Confused’s first line!!) and as Serenity said, how dare you share a planet with other men? (I wish there was an emoticon for rolling eyes 😉 )

      • #15792

        Sometimes I think – can he hear himself talking? he is so possessive and paranoid but he just says that he’s ‘overly protective.’ He does think that he ‘owns me’ and he takes pride in ‘knowing that other men can’t and won’t have me’. He has over inflated views of himself and of me – telling me that I’m a diamond and really precious, everybody wants me so he needs to protect me…? No. just no. (I wish there was a raised eyebrow emoticon aswell as a rolling eyes one!)

Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content