Tagged: Coercive abuse
6th November 2023 at 8:04 pm #162961Hollapops-Participant
(detail removed by moderator) I met a lovely guy through my work. He worked in the department below me and it was a bit of running joke that he would visit my desk about 6 times a day just to chat to me. I had come out of a difficult previous relationship and I wasn’t interested; however we became friends (detail removed by moderator)
I had lived in social housing (detail removed by moderator). When I came out of hospital we stayed at my partners dads house. It wasn’t ideal but I wasn’t well and couldn’t return to the flat. It was only then that the housing association (detail removed by moderator)and agreed to offer a transfer. My partner persuaded me not to take this as he said the management will still be the same and I might be put somewhere worse. I wasn’t sure as he was suggesting getting a mortgage together. I said I’d rather rent as I wax worried about having no family to fall back on and everything going wrong. My partner reassured me that he was going to support me and loved me and wanted to do the right thing by getting me away from social housing. My executive functioning was definitely impaired and I guess I was just wanting safety and stability. We got our mortgage accepted. (detail removed by moderator) Very fast.
Once In the property he became very cold towards me. He began rejecting me and only wanting affection on his terms. He began getting angry at me for (detail removed by moderator) and was constantly shaming me and calling me a bully and abusive. I had got to know his family well and I was told they cared for me, but they went cold on me too because my partner was feeding them stories another me to justify him shouting and swearing at me. Basically the things he was doing to me he said I was doing to him. He has broken up with me a few times and then said we can be together on certain conditions’ (detail removed by moderator). He calls my reassurance seeking behaviours’nagging and makes me out to be useless and crazy. I’m just about keeping my job due to so much absence for anxiety etc. I know he is making my mental health less manageable and I’m on nhs waiting list for therapy.
I have a mortgage with this guy now. I gave up an offer of a secure tenancy for this and he feels my that I’m ungrateful as he got me this flat! He is so hateful. He calls me evil. (detail removed by moderator) It was his idea to leave but he was saying I was chucking him out of his home at 11pm at night. I recorded the whole conversation for my own evidence. He was screaming in my face.
(detail removed by moderator)
I’m scared to go to a hostel because of my ocd and my council will only provide private sector housing and on my wage I can’t afford anywhere in the area and my job and mental health support networks are here. I’m scared
7th November 2023 at 9:32 pm #162995LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I can understand you are feeling scared. He wants you to feel trapped and it sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing. He tries to use your mental health against you- that isn’t anything you should feel ashamed of- you should feel supported by your partner.
If you aren’t already I would encourage you to contact your local domestic abuse service. They can offer you ongoing support and navigate your options with you.
Take care and keep posting
11th November 2023 at 9:09 pm #163109swanlakeParticipant
Thinking of you. I have suffered financial abuse from a so-called partner and from family.
I own a property with one of my abusers. I might have the legal right to live there or force a sale of the property but it is difficult and expensive, as I’m discovering.
Take very good care of yourself. There is a way through this situation for us both and kind people want to help.
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