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My ex partner has a child from a previous relationship who I recently found out about. We have a child together who’s life he’s been mostly absent from (he only saw my child for a few months at a time on and off and cut us off completely). However, he told me how he was in his first child’s life for the 1st year of his life but wasn’t around for a few years and recently got back into his life. The problem I have is that he was boasting about sending birthday and Christmas presents to his son and showing me clothes he bought him. He also said that he was in contact with his ex partner where from what he told me most of the conversation was about their son. Which angers me because he’s never done that for the child we share together, he didn’t even keep in contact with me for updates on or anything.
There is a part of me that does believe what he’s saying but he is a compulsive liar so it’s hard to tell whether he’s just saying these things to bother me or to make himself appear good. Has anyone been in a situation like this? Where your partner talks about how much of a good father or boyfriend/fiancé/husband etc he was to his ex or his other children and he’s not like that with you or your children? -
He’s saying these things purely to mess with your head. To upset you and make you feel jealous and inadequate. Remember he knows you and knows what will upset you. He may be trying to hook in his previous victim, the mother of his first child. Just know his intentions will be purely selfish. Block him on everything. If he wants to see his child then he should take appropriate steps. These men are toxic and destroy lives. Absolutely zero contact is how you move on from this x
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I think you’re right, he knows my insecurities and has always tried to make me jealous about other things.
I do get the feeling he wants me to be jealous or dislike his son and ex. Which is sick! Then again he’s never failed to make me feel as though I’m in competition with other women, so I wouldn’t put it past him to want to put his children up against each other.I’m taking steps to cutting him out of my life, it’s just hard to let go.
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Your situation sounds so familiar. My ex boasted about what a fantastic dad he was when in fact he’d abandoned his children. He’s abandoned our children as well. His current victim is colluding with him. I believed him too.
Abusers often live in an alternative reality. Words and actions don’t match. Somewhere, way back in their lives, something happened and to make life endurable, they made up a story to make themselves feel safe.
We fall in love with a mirage. We fall for the false self and their mask slips.
Abusers are compulsive liars. There’s no point whatsoever in trying to reach out to them because there’s nobody there. They’ve had a lifetime of experience so they will always be better at the game of pretend than a normal person who hasn’t had live life through a lie.
Of course we want to believe them and their false selves are credible.
It may help to write things down. There may be incidents you remember when his words and actions didn’t match, when you were disconcerted, when you doubted yourself. I expect that he is keeping his children apart and that he’s doing everything he can to separate you from the mother of his other child.
It’s hard work being a single mum. It’s so much better than living with an abuser/liar who would be manipulating the child(ren) to cause you harm and destroy life itself. With a sharp knife, please cut him out of your life. x
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I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that, was he a hands on dad when he was around?
You’re right! My ex has lied about the smallest of things, it’s crazy how much detail goes into his lies. I’m amazed by how they just roll of his tongue!
Luckily, I know him well enough that I can usually tell when he’s lying. Although, there are times when I do question myself but then I end up overthinking his every word which drives me insane!I’ll give that a go, I have noticed a few contradictions in his stories, especially the ones about his previous relationship.
I agree I am better off being a single parent, he’s not a good father anyway so I won’t be missing out on much!
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