Hi Rainbowdream,
It’s such an incredibly difficult situation to be in, it’s absolutely understandable that you’re struggling to process your feelings. You deserve to have space to openly express and explore all of this.
Rape Crisis may be able to help you access some specialist support. You are not alone in this experience and it’s completely normal to be wondering about how you will feel when baby is here. Perhaps you could speak to your midwife about your concerns, if you haven’t already. They could be another route for getting local support in place.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa