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I have been trying some counselling to rebuild my confidence from my ex abusive husband,
I told the counsellor me & my partner had a row & he put his hands round my throat,
She has now reported me to safeguarding
I wish I had never told her & now feel they have broken my trust & do not want to go anymore?
Do not trust that nothing else will get passed on as grown up daughter hasn’t yet got away from husband -
Sallysally, I sympathise hugely with you as a similar thing happened to me last year. I got very upset on the phone to my counsellor and happened to mention my partner had had 2 bottles of wine and then gone out with the kids. This got reported to safeguarding and – not that I want to scare you, I feel it’s better to know in advance! – I then had the police on the phone. All these questions about what happened when he went out with them. I, like you, totally lost all confidence after this and told my counsellor so. I said to her that if she had just mentioned that she was going to tell safeguarding it would have helped but NOTHING was said during the initial conversation.
You are not alone, I felt my trust was broken too and I also was, ironically, scared my partner would get into trouble. I won’t go into detail but I managed to downplay the incident and it went away but it hardly helps, does it?!
They can’t do anything without your permission, please know that. Sending big hugs x -
Hi there Sally Sally, do you have any support in place through a local domestic abuse service at the moment? If not I would certainly encourage you to contact them.
Best wishes
Lisa
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Thankyou for your kind replies x
No I am not getting any support at the moment
I know this sounds strange but i am not keen to get rid of the boyfriend as he is my only security? although I dont trust him now, he really scared me at the time, but has gone back to his normal self, he says it is my fault for winding him up which I did, because I am sick of him saying my cooking doesnt meet his high standards
I have tried contacting a local service but it has been difficult as I am always at work or with boyfriend when they phone
still getting threats from ex hubbie who is also threatening (detail removed by moderator_ We dont want to move into a refuge as waiting for (detail removed by moderator), then hoping to be able to afford to move 100 miles away, do not have any money left from the divorceI have told the counsellor i have moved away for a job so wont be going back. I dont feel able to tell her stuff anymore
I will try & and give the charity another ring tommorow at work x -
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SS this is dreadful; sounds like an inexperienced counsellor to me; yes, counsellors can hold information like this for a time, doesn’t need to be reported on straight away, those with experience understand that this would most likely end the relationship. In a similar vain, imagine if they reported everyone to the crisis team that said they feel suicidal? Feeling and doing are two very different things and a trained, experienced prof understands this and works in a way to establish the risk – which is what should have happened here really too.
Ideally she would have said to you at the begining that she can not keep confidentialty if you disclose harm to yourself or another; however, in most instances, I would not break this confidentialty, rather I would support you to do what is needed here. Meaning, she would inform you of her concerns and together you would come up with a plan re how to tackle this and do what is needed.
She was right to feel concerned about this; but could have handled things very differently, in a way that was helpful and supportive to you because when we feel unable to trust and reach out – isolate ourselves – this only makes us more vulnerable – so withdrawing completely is never really the answer – what is the answer is finding the right people to support us.
Has she reported you or you and your child/children to safeguarding? x
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The counsellor has reported me and not my daughter
I am (detail removed by moderator) away from my home still living in hiding from my husbandMy (detail removed by moderator) year old daughter wanted to stay with her dad when I had to leave
It took him (detail removed by moderator) before he started being nasty to her too, on & off
I have supporting her in secret & been helping her to find somewhere to live which i am hoping should happen in the next 6 wks, she has an emergency plan
In the last couple of weeks he has found out she saw me (detail removed by moderator) & has threatened to endanger her life if she stays, then he cools down & acts like normal -
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I dont get it then SS, as there is low to no risk for you and it’s you that’s been reported on as being the concern; you are living in an undesclosed address; I dont think you have anything to worry about here tbh; it sounds to me that the counsellor ‘over reacted’ and hopefully when this is discussed at length with someone in seniority some sense can be established.
I would take a bit of time to recover from this and then try again to find the right kind of support; please dont let it put you off – you need support – put this down to a bad experience, sadly it happens, to us all, while we are looking for the right support, it’s like an interview process, meaning you need to interview lots of people for the different posts you need filling – sadly this counsellor didnt get a second interview hey x
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