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Hey , I am not new to the forum and I guess this is a bit of a strange post !
I have been married for some time with two children.. during heated arguments my husband has in the past thrown things and has hit my dad in stressful situation !
He has been to anger management and since this he has been calm and his normal good self !!
This has been for a good 4 (detail removed by moderator), although now I feel different ! I have set my own business up and am gradually becoming a lot more independent ! I am wondering if this is affecting him and he knows I don’t need him as such , so he is in best behaviour !!
The problem is that after putting up with so much over the year I feel there is a brick wall between us and I am finding myself attracted to anther men!
I feel so bad for this but also feel that he ruined my trust and I have resentment after everything over the years !
Has anyone ever experienced their partner going for anger management and it had helped their marriage ? Xx -
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Hi hon,
An anger management course for him isn’t going to magically heal your hurt that he has put you through. If he truly has changed (& many many resources say this is rare and takes a lot of hard work on the part of the abuser) it would take a long time to regain your trust. It has to ve earned.He may have already done just too much damage for the relationship to survive. As the others have said – trust your gut. Look out for the red flags.
Take care x
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Speaking personally, my ex wrecked my trust in him very early on.
I stayed with him only because he tried to make me dependent upon him and disempowered so I couldn’t leave- plus tried to make me feel like I was overreacting/ wrong in challenging him.
My ex hated it when I got a better job. He resorted to passive aggressive- and sometimes openly abusive- tactics to try to make me feel rubbish. There were lots of mind games.
Maybe your gut is telling you that your husband’s present behaviour isn’t out of genuine remorse, but another tactic?
Towards the end of my marriage, I began to daydream about having an affectionate partner ( not my ex!). It was like an emotional affair going on in my head! I think I was starved of genuine affection and respect, so daydreaming about a better scenario was a way of experiencing the kindness my marriage lacked. I think when we are desperately lacking something, it’s easy to transfer those feelings onto other people, who we think might potentially fulfil our needs. I think it says a lot about our unhappiness in our present situations. Every human being needs genuine warmth and affection.
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