This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #103632
     My Mydaughterismyrock 
    Participant

    I’m so confused…please help.

    I’m married and it’s hard! I’ve not been happy in a long time and it’s like he makes all the decisions and I’m emotionally vulnerable towards him. He puts me down in front of people and talks to our daughter horribly. My dad is terminally ill and I don’t think hes there for me how he should be.

    I was messaging someone else, never cheated but I did exchange a photo and he saw. That was (detail removed by moderator). We haven’t really spoken since and he’s been on sofa! We spoke about (detail removed by moderator) then nothing again and he stayed on sofa! A couple of times hes approached me by touching me and I dont like it.

    Feels like hes playing games. Declares love for me then when I say I need space turns on me saying I need the money hes put in the house. Now turning again saying to keep the money save for our daughter when shes older to buy a house. Now today says he wants to try again but I’m really not sure I do. I know for certain I need space! Financially I’m figuring things out…contacted UC and looking at reducing my mortgage payments, single council tax and looking at energy bills.

    Why do I feel so bad?

    Help please

     

  • #103641
     KIP. 
    Participant

    You feel bad because he’s programmed you and brainwashed you to feel bad. You have nothing to feel bad about. It’s his behaviour that has driven you to this decision. The very first time he abused you he gave you permission to walk away. Try to contact your local women’s aid for support. You need to be careful as ending a relationship is the most dangerous time for abused women. These controlling men don’t like to give up that control. They jump from Jekyll to Hyde to test your reactions. Do what’s right for you and your child and don’t believe a word he says x

  • #103654
     My Mydaughterismyrock 
    Participant

    Thank you.

    I do feel as though that is what hes doing. He will say he loves me then wants his money then our daughtercan have it. And in the last few days says he wants to try but will still not talk to me in person only by text. I think hes realised what hes set to lose and I’m holding the cards now? Claims worried about my finances…

    I have contacted women’s aid and on the waiting list. X

  • #103656
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Decide what you want and get some free legal advice as to what you’re entitled to. Ignore everything he says. You decide your future and what’s best for you. His behaviour will be all over the place as he tries to regain control. When he thought he was punishing you by sleeping on the sofa you were supposed to come begging and crawling back to him. When this didn’t work you can bet he got a shock and now has to try a different approach. Going from nice to nasty, push and pull, are all tactics of an abuser. The less contact you have the better and don’t make the mistake of thinking he will simply walk away. Protect yourself physically and financially. There is a national domestic abuse helpline for you if you want to talk and don’t be scared to ring your local women’s aid for advice x

  • #103707
     My Mydaughterismyrock 
    Participant

    I always think I know what I want then I flip in my mind, not much but enough to confuse me. So he says he wants to stay and work things out yet came in and no words exchanged at all. If you wanted to try youd try?

    Hes not in control now I am!! Even though hes trying to blame me I hold the cards! I’ll stay in the house and I come from a family where I’ll inherit.

    I have a phone call meeting on thurs to talk to a solicitor and I’ve contacted a financial advisor. He says hes concerned i wont survive financially and its ‘stressing’ him out itll be tight but I can afford it! X

  • #103711
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He’s playing mind games. Trying to make you feel insecure that you need him to survive. My ex would constantly tell my I couldn’t afford to live here without him. And guess what, I’ve been here in the family home for several years and he had to sign it over. They are liars and manipulators so get advice from the professionals and ignore him.

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