Confused

[Munchkin04]

I’m sorry just need to vent. I’m so confused. Went out with my partner today after a bad patch and a long chat about (detail removed by moderator). It was busy and I (detail removed by moderator) and he asked me a question. He couldn’t hear me over the noise and got frustrated. I tried to answer but he was then raising his voice at me in public saying I didn’t answer his question. He swore at me and said he was going. I said go then and he walked away. I messaged for him to come back so we could continue our day. He (detail removed by moderator) was off. I said we may as well go home as the day was ruined. I asked him (detail removed by moderator) if we could talk about it he said no. (Detail removed by moderator) I again said could we talk he said no but I can say what I need. I did tell him how I saw things and how I didn’t accept his behaviour towards me. He said he doesn’t want to discuss today and he can’t talk to me it causes a problem. He says that to me all the time yet wants to tell me when somethings on his mind. So after talking about (detail removed by moderator) he wouldn’t talk. I have to listen to him so often tell me how he sees things what I’m not doing yet today he won’t talk and said he doesn’t ever want to discuss today. No apology for the way he was to me. All I hear is he can’t talk to me. It’s like one rule for him one for me. We have a turbulent relationship and he has been abusive. He gets frustrated over the smallest thing tells me I don’t listen. He can’t see reason or logic it’s just about him. He’s shut me out (detail removed by moderator) which he does everytime we fall out. He talks about consistency yet he is inconsistent. I’m feeling so low yet again frustrated dreading if he will kick off walking on egg shells in my own home. Was I wrong to tell him I found his behaviour unacceptable he’s never wrong or accountable. Sorry just so low. X

[KIP.]

You will never win an argument with an abuser. He’s not interested in your feelings or thoughts. They invalidate our feelings which lead to depression for me. Google the cycle of abuse. They gaslight and lie and twist things, blaming us and never admitting responsibility. In a healthy relationship you should be able to voice your opinion and have your feelings validated. Abusers are all about themselves and your destruction. He’s simply messing with your head and leaving you spinning. The spotlight should be on his behaviour yet he’s go you questioning your own behaviour which is perfectly fine. Talk to your local women’s aid. Abuse always gets worse.

[KIP.]

He doesn’t want to reason things out. He’s perfectly capable of doing so but abusers choose not to. He’s not interested. It’s all about his own selfish behaviour and he gets a real power kick out of watching you struggle to understand what’s going on. Mine used to smirk. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Or Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft x

[Munchkin04]

It’s always mind games. I feel like I’m going mad. Everything’s in his terms he pulls me for things he does yet if I say that he tells me I’m playing t*t for tat. I know I should leave and When I’m this low I tell myself it’s for the best. Im always left feeling lost and not sure how to act while he goes about his day singing and blatantly being indifferent yet will tell me I am. I can’t win

[Munchkin04]

It’s always mind games. I feel like I’m going mad. Everything’s in his terms he pulls me for things he does yet if I say that he tells me I’m playing t*t for tat. I know I should leave and When I’m this low I tell myself it’s for the best. Im always left feeling lost and not sure how to act while he goes about his day singing and blatantly being indifferent yet will tell me I am. I can’t win

[Munchkin04]

He’s just pulled me to ask why I didn’t respect him when I asked to talk about it. I was going by our conversation about (detail removed by moderator). I wanted to sort it. He’s told me I’m messed up I need to leave.

[KIP.]

He expects you to appease him. To beg for forgiveness and give him that sense of control he needs. It’s a dangerous time. Be careful. Is there somewhere you can stay?

[KIP.]

This is the bit that confused me. He was in the wrong. Horrible and nasty then treated me like it was all my fault. Don’t fall for it. It’s called push and pull.

[Munchkin04]

He told me I was off because I did some gardening. He said he was fine but his actions say differently. God I want to scream from the rooftops. I never know how to be towards him when this happens. I’m angry and I know he’ll come to me in a few days and want to tell me how he’s feeling. He always tells me he’ll do something silly to himself if this doesn’t stop. Why should I listen when he didn’t want to listen when I tried to sort today’s little episode. It’s all so unreasonable. I feel exhausted

[KIP.]

It’s how abuse works, round and round in a cycle. He thrives and your mental health hits rock bottom. It is exhausting dealing with abuse. It doesn’t matter what you do he will simply move the goal posts and continue to abuse you.

[KIP.]

Threats of suicide are also a common tactic abusers use to control. Talk to your local women’s and and read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven x it’s not you it’s him x it’s his crazy making behaviour

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