Confused

[Blacksky]

I have been in a relationship for (detail removed by Moderator) years we have 2 kids together. About (detail removed by Moderator) years ago I found out he was having sex with me while a was sleeping. I told him this was not OK and I didn’t want it he told me he didn’t know he was doing it.. Yet it stopped. Then (detail removed by Moderator) years ago I woke up to it happening again and made it very clear this was not OK. (detail removed by Moderator) after telling him next time was the last time and I would end it, he done it again, this time I asked him to sleep downstairs and he refused so I went down to the sofa he follewed me and threw me off the sofa and started kicking and shouting that it was my fault because I wouldn’t have sex with him after he calmed down I explained to him why he was wrong and he seemed to understand and apologised. I have lost trust in him completely. I have been really down the last couple of months and have been put on antidepressants to help and can’t even think about having a sex with him. We have been on good terms and we get along well but I don’t know what to do to leave or to try and make it work I know it sounds stupid and I’m probably making excuses for myself. I am quite reliant on him as I don’t drive and financially breaking up means cutting my hours down by half and I don’t know if I could manage. I just keep going back and forth from wanting to stay and wanting to leave and it scares me to death the idea of being alone with no one to talk to. I don’t know what I’m looking for but I guess it would be good for me to hear someone else confirm that it is abuse and not just me that thinks so

[Bananaboat]

I’m sorry to hear of your experience, it’s definitely not ok. You shouldn’t stay because you fear being alone or rely on him for mobility/finances. Check out sites like entitledto.com to see if you’d be eligible for any benefits to support you. Contact your local council as you may be classed as homeless/at risk of homelessness due to domestic abuse. I don’t know how you feel about speaking to your GP, the police, woman’s aid or your local DV support group? If you haven’t already I always say a good place to start is to read Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘why does he do that’ or Pat Craven’s ‘living with the dominator’ or watching Dr Ramani. The more you learn about abuse the stronger you feel about your options. Good luck

[searchingforhope]

You aren’t imagining it and it is abuse. Sorry to hear that is the situation that you are in.

It is so hard to leave or end it. I’ve done it and it is so hard. Especially with kids involved as all you want to do is to protect them from any possible hurt. I wonder at times should i have done it years ago when they were smaller so less to explain and they would adapt faster maybe. Not that so far they are doing well, but its early days.
I would definitely speak to your GP again and to womens aid. Try and build supports around you. That will make all the difference.

Sending you so much strength. Take your time. YOu will figure it out.

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