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What do I say to them? Already tried to get them to understand that emails are better as working from home makes calls difficult and they gave booked me in for a call.
I am going to have to try and be out for it
I looked at refuges before and working full time and my dog mean I’m not going in one. It won’t be a good place for me I will not leave my dog not after the ex.
Maybe I should give up, being nice again now. It’s too hard and I’m tired
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Hi Statshine,
Well done for reaching out and speaking to the council. Your safety comes first and neither the council nor any other service they refer you for should be contacting him or putting you at risk of him finding out. Refuge isn’t the only option for accommodation, it isn’t right for everyone. Having pets or wanting to stay local and keep working are common reasons why women choose not to go into a refuge. You deserve support and to have control over the decisions about what you want to happen.
I’m also going to PM you with some information about the service you mentioned.
Take care and keep posting,
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It’s soul destroying
I’m an idiot this one has actually caused more damage and he’s never hit me, hit stuff but never me. Ex that I escaped did hit me.
I would have been out had the bid for a property not been rescinded because the ex was on it.
Getting services to understand that working from home means I am never on my own. I can’t take a call or pop in, I get away with webchat and email just
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Getting the service to understand that I can’t have a phone call or just pop in is exhausting.
I am never alone, I dint have children to take to school and I work in the same room he is sat in.
I am able to bid on properties while they decide my banding so I am. Any idea what band I am likely to get?
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I’m screwed
Council have assessed me as having no housing need
Apparently not suffering domestic abuse triggered me badly as its the same as the police last time.
That service just keep saying I need to have a call I have tried explaining why I can’t but the risk it puts me at isn’t as important as the following whatever stupid process they have.
Feeling really really low. What’s the point?
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So sorry to hear about this. I had a similar thing quite a long time ago. Go to the police station and talk to them someone advised me…like HOW! Can’t get out of the house. He’s there all the time. You’d think that number one priority for people in that situation would be that there’s someone on the end of a phone when you need them or you could do stuff by email. In every other part of life you can’t NOT do everything by email except in the one place where it’s really vital ie domestic abuse. I understand your frustration.
I believe that some animal charities may do ‘dog refuge’. I’ll try and look it up for you and post later. X*x -
I don’t know if it’s ok to post these details on the forum but I’m sure the moderator can private message them to you if they can’t be displayed on the forum. There are quite a few organisations now providing safe and loving ‘foster homes’ for pets for 6-9 months so that you can get yourself into a refuge if you need to, and sorted out with somewhere to live after that before having your pet back. There’s a website for www.dogstrustfreedom.org.uk and an email address for them : freedom@dogstrust.org.uk. They seem to cover many parts of the country but not the south west, if you happen to live there, there is: refuge for pets.org.uk, which has a similar service. Let me know if you need me to get you any more details or even get in touch with them on your behalf with any questions you may have. X*x
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Thank you
Just really spiralling because the police were useless. You can take things he has written to you were he says about giving you a kicking and they will just ask why you stayed when you don’t seem unintelligent.
Service are shocking, broke down why I can’t have a call,. Can’t give them a time because I dont know. If he’s going out ever, offered suggestions for how to communicate. That email. Will be ignore and I sent over the letter saying I dint need somewhere to live because it’s not domestic abuse or overcrowdin, email back, are you free for a call on friday
HOW DO I KNOW,
I feel invisible and so tired
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It’s such a mismatch between the kind of headlines of ‘just ask for help’/‘just reach out and talk to people’/just go to the police’ and the reality which seems to be , so often, so useless. It’s almost like they just want to tick you off on their ‘we’re helping combat abuse’ checklist while quickly ushering you out of the back door back onto a dark alleyway where they’ll invite you to sleep on the dirty old mattress there!
I’m going to the police tomorrow to try and report endless abusive harassment even though I’ve left, so I’ll see how that goes. If it’s anything like the past they’ll not only not help, but actually make things about a hundred times worse.
sorry for the miserable post, but, like you, I’m feeling pretty p****d off today.
feels like the abusers get it all.
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Today has been awful.
I did manage to speak to local women’s aid though. Working and dog are a barrier to refuge.
H sshowed his true face to a housing officer which sent me in a spiral.
I am still on a tenancy for a Housing Association property with the ex contacted them anyone know the chance that they will give me my own?
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Original agency told. Me I would only be able to get in too shared house as that’s all I am entitled to and I would have to get rid of my dog.
Will they or the local women’s aid advocate for me with the council housing association? Getting in the list is possible with support showing I need to leave because of DV.
Questions I was asked from local women’s aid were embarrassing and I forgot lots, why do we minimise even when talking to someone trained to support?
One bit of good news a housing association in a completely different town accepted me today. Am I strong enough to leave towns how do I do this, should I do this?
Work is remote so can do it anywhere. What has made dealing with support hard as I am never alone.
When I saw the housing officer for his flats face when he showed himself it flipped a switch. I remember that from leaving the ex husband it’s calm but panic.
I’m exhausted need to decide what to tell work if anything too many decisions head is mangled.
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(timeframe removed by Moderator) a bad one
I had to cancel my (activity removed by Moderator) because he made me.
He’s gone out I’m cleaning to keep busy
Meeting with a housing association on (day removed by Moderator) and I’m tired
I think I’m unlovable that’s why no one does
Self pity is strong today.
What if it’s just a normal relationship breakdown and I just can’t tell the difference anymore
I don’t know what to do I will never get cash together to privately rent council don’t see me as needing support, agency they referred me to are just focused in getting me to a refuge and don’t call when they say they are going to.
I can’t afford a refuge, I need support either finding a private rental or getting in housing lists
Sorry for constantly shouting into the void need to try and get some of it out so I can hold it together
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I have relapsed with my ed
Complete mess
Can’t see how to pull myself out of it
This and work are too hard
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Hi Statshine,
I understand how overwhelming and frustrating this must be for you. You mentioned that you have spoken to your local Women’s Aid- they should be able to advocate for you to the council and support you around your safety and a plan to leave.
Its really important that you are feeling listened to and supported. If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (8am – 4pm Monday – Friday). They won’t tell you what to do but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Best Wishes
Lisa
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Hi Statshine,
Different area’s are obviously going to be different but thought I would share my experience with you if you decide to leave and get help from the council.
I left and booked myself into a hotel, after speaking with the homeless team at the council, they put me in emergency accommodation which was a hotel but my dog wasn’t allowed. I had my laptop, monitor etc with me and just tethered my phone so I could carry on working. As someone mentioned above, the Dogs Trust have a freedom programme and they move quite quick after assessing you.
Someone had my dog as I also wasn’t allowed him once I got into temporary accommodation but that’s when the dog’s trust found fosterers for me. Once I was given the keys to a permanent home, they returned him to me and are still supporting me – their service is fab!
Just a suggestion with regards to working from home, tethering your mobile works, you can change your background settings for any online meetings and no one needs to know.
Wishing you the best xx
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I need a rocket up my bum
Is it normal to be so tired and unable to think?
Started again tonight, just so tired work is full on not sure how I escape.
Worn down, feel worthless and stupid. First agency will only help with a refuge won’t help with supporting documents.
I need to see previous HA shelter offered advice on how to approach getting taken off the tenancy with ex partner and going on their housing list.
Every day more of me disappears as I make myself smaller so I’m not seen
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