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    • #46271
      Buddy
      Participant

      Hi , I have been with my husband (detail removed by Moderator) years , married (detail removed by Moderator). We have two children (detail removed by Moderator) and (detail removed by Moderator) !
      He has always had a temper , on the night of (detail removed by Moderator) he punched a hole in the wall after an argument !
      Sporadically over the years in arguments he has smashed and thrown things! Mainly plates and cups but has smashed our TV once , mirrors , computers and phones ! This happens when our arguments get heated .. he states it’s because I keep on at him in the argument instead of leaving it!!
      The problem is that it happens so sporadically and the other times are good so I decided to stay all these years!!
      Also I found he had googled prostitutes in his phone in the area he was staying away with work at the time.. when I confronted him about this he smashed a wine glass (detail removed by Moderator), instead of reassuring me ! He states he was drunk when he googled this !
      My resentment is building up and when I ask him to talk about our marriage because of my resentment he refuses to talk and stonewalls me ! I gave him this treatment back the last (detail removed by Moderator) weeks as at the end of the day I have only asked him to talk!!
      This has made him increasingly angry inside , my mum came into our room in a hotel one night as my husband had too much to drink and she tried to mediate between us to help our problems !! My Dad later walked in and told my mum to stay out if it .. my husband ended up hitting my dad in the head and punching him in (detail removed by Moderator) ! My dad is (detail removed by Moderator)!
      Now my father wants nothing to do with him and doesn’t come near our home !
      My mum, dad and myself have all been devastated by this , I have been on diazepam to keep me calm! My husband seems ok and doesn’t seem affected or show any remorse !
      Should I be worried , he has never touched me in (detail removed by Moderator) years

    • #46272
      SunshineRainflower
      Participant

      Hi Buddy,

      It sounds like a very stressful environment to be living in. Your husband is repeatedly showing signs of aggression and using physical violence in your home, and has even assaulted your father. The fact that he is googling prositutes is very concerning as it suggests he may be using them, cheating on you and putting you at risk of STDs. He is also using the silent treatment and blaming you for things, and showing no remorse, which are all signs of an abusive relationship. And the fact that he is using violence of physical objects and now your father unfortunately suggests he could go onto physically attack you too.

      Abusers often work in a mean-sweet cycle, they are never abusive all the time. My ex could be the sweetest man ever when he wasn’t be abusive, aggressive and hurting me. The nice side means nothing if they treat us like this, we deserve so much more than that and not to be living in fear of their next attack.

      Have you rung the helpline? They were great and very informative. Also look up your local domestic abuse service who are sometimes easier to get through to. Look up the Power and Control wheel in google too and see if you can relate to it.

    • #46273
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there. Absolutely you should be worried. Please ring the helpline number on here. Smashing things is worrying too. It’s a form of domestic violence and used to control you. He closes down the conversation this way. His abuse is never addressed and he put the focus back on you. Abusers don’t change and abuse always gets worse. Please don’t blame alcohol. Lots of people drink and don’t become abusive or violent. It’s not the alcohol that is the problem it’s your husband. It’s obviously affecting your mental health too. The diazepam treats the symptoms and not the cause which is the anxiety caused by having an abusive partner. I went through this for years. Abusers isolate us from friends and family as much as they can. He’s achieved another goal now your father is keeping his distance. Try to speak to your local women’s aid. Did you report the assault to the police? Something to consider x

      • #46278
        Buddy
        Participant

        Thank you for your feedback! I guess due to the fact that he has never laid a finger on me for (detail removed by Moderator) years makes me feel confident that he won’t touch me ! What has happened with my dad has shocked me , I put it down to being on holiday at the time and with everyone together for (detail removed by Moderator) and us not really talking the holiday was a bit of a melting pot! Maybe I am looking for excuses!
        He has a controlling personality as in he likes to be in control of most things , cooking etc! Which does leave me feeling that I may not be able to cope on my own as he has done so much for me over the years !
        Your feedback is greatly appreciated ! X

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