Confused and upset

[Fortis]

I’m feeling confused and not sure if my fiance is trying to control me or being abusive or if he’s just insecure. I feel like I don’t know what the truth is anymore and don’t know what to do.
I’ve started to question everything since I spoke to a colleague in work about why I have been quiet and feeling upset recently. Since I met my partner I have pretty much supported us financially on my own. He has had 2 jobs in 2 years and only stuck at them for 3 months each. I paid 6 months rent upfron for one flat because he had a CCJ that was apparently his mum’s fault and then we bought a house together entirely with my savings but I put it in both our names because I felt like I needed to prove to him that I was serious and did really want to be with him forever. Over the past few months he has taken and spent my money with out asking even when I’ve said I have no money forcing me to use more and more of my savings and he’s admitted that most of that money had been going on drugs. My colleague said this was financial abuse and helped me to make a plan to control my money so that he can’t just take my card and get cash out and I confronted him so he said he is not doing anymore drugs and not spending my money without asking. I don’t know if I believe that he has completely stopped though.
I’ve also always got upset that he never trusts me and always accuses me of cheating and looking at other guys when I’m out with him and if someone texts me he always asks who it is. It did make a massive mistake when we first started seeing each other in meeting someone I’d had a complicated relationship with because I needed closure and I did kiss him but then blocked him completely and knew that the only person I wanted was my fiance. He found out but we stayed together and so I’m not sure if it’s all my fault and I deserve this or if he would have been like this anyway. It upsets me that when I try to confront him about lying and stealing from me now he says that is nothing compared to what I did and suggests that I am a bad person and what he does is my fault. He doesn’t seem to be genuinely sorry for the mistakes he makes.
I tried to leave recently and he promised to change but then he has started questioning what I’m doing again and I’m just not sure what to think now. I feel quite lost and it’s making me anxious again

[Tractor]

Hi Fortis

I haven’t been on here for ages. I’m not the best at advice but just wanted to say from what you said above it certainly sounds abusive, both emotionally and financially . Have you tried ringing the helpline ? They are amazing at giving advice .

He sounds like he trying to justify his behavior by deflecting it away from himself and blaming you?

As I said the helpline are really good id definitely recommend giving them a ring .

X*X

[Author]

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