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It’s still very recent, leaving him. I have been through a serious rollercoaster of emotions which I have shared on other posts. At the moment I still feel anxious but I can’t seem to recall specific details of what he did. I know there was lots of shouting, lots of names, bullying my daughter, not leaving me alone, etc. but when I think of it, it sort of doesn’t feel like it happened to me. Am I in denial? Have I repressed it all so it can’t hurt me anymore? Is this a normal reaction? Not so long ago, I was so distraught I didn’t think I could go on with life. I still feel hopeless and sad, but I guess I think I should be feeling ‘more’. I feel kind of numb.
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Go back into your profile and revisit your old posts. It did happen. Those events are real. Sometimes I find myself thinking, “No wait, I can make it liveable. I can make it work.” But then I’m reminded that he has for a very long time depended on me to ‘make it work’ without emotional investment on his part and his on-going control issues … which for now has subsided because he is otherwise pre-occupied with other things.
You might not be feeling more now … I tend to compartmentalise my feelings and deal with them later. Not the greatest coping mechanism, but it is a common one.
Either way, you take care of you. Xx
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Alonewolf I think our minds do trick us so we can cope, and maybe get by day to day not constantly thinking about it. I agree with Browneyedmum read old posts and remind yourself if you need to, I found and still find writing stuff down when it pops into my head, it helped me remember how bad it had been and how long it had been going on for.
I get memories pop up from years ago and sort of fixate on them which feels unhealthy to do but is me processing I think, so maybe not remembering everything or even much is ok too and it will pop up when you are not expecting it so you can process it too? I think all these things are ‘normal’ when we are on a traumatic journey and maybe your brain is done thinking about all the details right now?
I do get the numb feeling you talk about too, like it’s not even happened to me sometimes. I’ve said before I didn’t think I was being abused for so long so again it could totally be a coping mechanism.
Take care and know it will be ok, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.
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Hi Sungirl. I have gone around in circles with my emotions. At the moment I am feeling so depressed and I can’t sleep well. I’m on medication but I seriously need some counselling too, I’m on waiting lists for help but in the meantime I just have to suffer and navigate this all by myself.
However, I do know we will get through this and going back is not the answer. I feel like if I went back or broke no contact, I would undo all this progress (although doesn’t feel like I’m progressing at all!!) and I would have to go through it all over again. Every day is a step towards recovery, as bad as we feel right now, we have to keep going. It’s so hard!!! But we will get there, we have to believe that.
I’ve been using an app called SilverCloud which has a journal feature and has courses for recovery. That is helping me a bit and might help you too.
Keep posting and well done ❤️
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I think what you’re feeling is common and is part of the brain responding to the situation and trying to protect itself.
What I found helpful was:
– writing down a list of incidents that I could go back to and remind myself of what was real. And some key phrases from arguments that showed his attitude and lack of intention to change.– Trying to look 1 year, 5 years, 10 years into the future and ask myself how I would feel if things were still the same then.
– Imagining I was sharing my story with a close friend – what would I tell them? That’s exactly what I should do myself.
– finding someone safe to share with. That can really help with validating your feelings and giving you an outlet to talk through your confusion. Do be careful on that, though, as there are people who don’t understand abuse and are willing to excuse it away. I learned to go slow with any disclosure and check reactions to decide if someone was safe or not and never to spend my energy trying to convince anyone.
– I’ve watched some YouTube channels around abuse and n********m that have helped me to reflect, and you could try to find programmes in your area you can join, such as the freedom programme, to give you the space to process your experiences and talk with others with similar ones.
I think it’s all part of trying to reset your brain and work through to understand your experiences.
The initial period after separating is hard and confusing, but it does get better. Everyday, I am grateful I took that first step as, even with the challenges getting here, life is much calmer and safer now.
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I could have written so much of what everyone is posting right now …. the numbness/ confusion/ “was it really ‘real’ or “that bad”? ….wondering when he seems “nice” / upset at ne going if I’ve misread or misremembered somehow …
Wondering if I’ll ever get that sense of “me” back again …
You aren’t along …no real idea of what the answer is but am just keeping putting one foor in front of the other right now .. -
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