- This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I posted earlier about some or the torture torment and abuse I went though and that I left but god sucked back in to then be discarded when I questioned a lie.
He’s currently under social services with an ex partner and having to do a healthy relationship course. He had one session and said he’s learnt I’m abusing him??
He does things on social media with other women so that was one of the things that hurt me so he told me he would come off it? I don’t trust him and don’t believe him because if everything he’s done so yes I did question or not believe stuff. So is that abuse?
-
You are not abusive & him flipping the tables and accusing you of being the abuser is a common abuse tactic. Many of the ladies on here have had it happen to us. It happened to me. My ex would curse me out, demean me and then tell others he was the victim. Even when he would physically assault me he’d justify it by lying and saying that I had been abusing him. To this day he continues to tell others that he was the abuse victim in our relationship. You questioning him and not trusting him because he’s behaved inappropriately with other women isn’t abuse on your part, it’s you setting healthy boundaries. A lot of times when we set reasonable, healthy boundaries for ourselves abusers intentionally mischaracterize it as abuse because they don’t like when we set boundaries & look after ourselves.
He knows you’re not abusive and calling you an abuser is just a tactic to get you to start doubting yourself & instead only trust his perception of reality. Also abusers commonly use the things they learn in therapy or counseling to perpetuate more abuse against their victims. My ex did this to me. Abusers don’t go to counseling because they really want any help. They view therapy as a way to convince the therapist that they are the victims and any therapeutic language that they learn will only be used to further terrorize their victim. Nothing he says about you has any truth or value.
-
Thank you for the reply
And I’m sorry it happened to you too. The only reason he is taking part in this course is because social services require it as (detail removed by moderator). Because of domestic abuse and drug misuse.
I’m guessing the first session was about setting healthy boundaries and how he would like to be treated and he’s automatically got from that, that me expressing my hurt from his actions on social media and me expressing I don’t like him doing what he does on there is me controlling and abusing him.It wasn’t so long ago I discovered another lie so tried to end it and didn’t talk to him, he promised then there was no one else and swore to my face he hasn’t spoke to anyone and then that turned out to be a lie to and when I confronted him his excuse was, you didn’t need to know. We wasn’t together. You wansnt talking to me, (detail removed by moderator) and if you don’t talk to me or block me I’ll do it more.
I asked him how I was abusive and he basically said (detail removed by moderator)
Am I really that worthless that I should just be happy he’s with me and wants to do things with me. And just ignore everything else ?
-
Last few days I’ve struggled myself with this , especially the other women part . Iam jealous by nature when it comes to relationships so I often questioned my ex partner on him talking to other women or cheating, reason being I caught him at the start of our relationship cheating, by me finding texts on his phone . I’ve managed to stay away couple of months now with no contact from me although he has contacted me mentioning his met someone , won’t love me forever now & would I contact him if there was hope . I obviously haven’t , but it’s played on my mind a lot . I too was called abusive & controlling, his even telling people it’s my name on restraining order , his the victim in all this .
-
Ive just (detail removed by moderator) for hubby and me ans he complained that ive not made as much effort as i used too as i didnt dress up how he wants he used to ask me to wear certain sexy things and i would to keep the peace but now i wont so he says i dont make an effort that the love has gone and that its my fault. I do feel guilty i am full of guilt it eats away at me I often wonder if they ever feel guilt? They ever regret what they say?
Sweetie I dont believe for one minute its you you have done nothing wrong I believe its just another s****y tactic they have to keep us here. X -
I really don’t think they do feel any remorse, I can’t even think back of any good times or happy days all I feel is hurt & disappointment. I was abused , vile names , enabled his addiction as he lost his job & home due to his drinking , he robbed my jewellery, my money , the list is endless & yet I still feel sad . I think this weekend worry’s me as I lost my dad (detail removed by moderator) and my dads passing hit me hard , I’m sure this is why I stayed with my ex longer than I should have & of course Valentine’s Day also is playing mind games with me . Just dreading this weekend, trying to keep busy . Don’t feel any guilt or pity for them as they don’t deserve our empathy when they feel nothing themselves, they take pleasure in hurting us . Enjoy your valentines ❤️
-
Im so sorry about your dad sweetie it must be so hard and I send you love n hugs as you remember him (detail removed by moderator).
As for valentines i hate it too.
I wanted to try see if there was still a spark there I feel like Ive not made an effort I cant now i see him for what he is now i recognise his behaviours as not normal as b****y horrible I am finding loving him impossible and i know that makes me sound like a cow but I cant help it. I stay for my kids I stay cause Im weak and stupid not because of Love so I thought id make an effort but No it wasnt good enough he wants more always more now as i sit here i know i will be expected to have sex all weekend its valnetines it what people do 🙄🙄 Its miserable isnt it.
I think maybe you are right maybe they dont feel guilt my husband really belives the world owes him and he is never wrong i think they all do dont they?
Thinking of you stay strong sweetie xxxx
-
-
Thankyou for being so kind especially when you have your own s**t to deal with , I wouldn’t say you were weak or stupid it’s cos you want it to work for the kids sake , that’s admirable of you , I think you possibly do have some feeling there still , it may not be love , but history together that makes you stay in the marriage, it doesn’t matter what you do or say it’s never enough they always find fault or want more , they have unreasonable expectations of any relationship, even perfect they would find fault . I can understand you wanting to see if anything still there , what I don’t understand is why don’t they realise by what they do they push us further & further away . They say we are not the same with them or we don’t love them the same or we are being different towards them , but what do they expect ? Xx
-
Yes they turn the tables. Happening to me right now.
Mine has been arrested for years worth of fairly horrific sexual, physical, financial and emotional abuse. Mostly criminal.
Now this week he is using some family members as flying monkeys to bring up every time I have raised my voice or verbally lost my temper (normally as a direct result of whatever he was denying or minimising he done that week!)
It’s unbelievable but sadly I understand so common.
I suppose just a desperate sad attempt to excuse the inexcusable they won’t face in themselves.
Keep going ladies, truth always wins through although sadly it can take a very long time.
X
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
