Confused is it me?

[Confusedcarol]

I’m in bits right now and have no idea how to fix this, he started complaining under his breath, he does this all the time it’s horrible some of the things he says it’s like thinking out loud. It started off with I said I was shattered (detail removed by Moderator), because I never slept very well, he was awake in the room when I was asleep and he talks to me like I’m awake and it breaks my sleep so I end up shattered.
I do all the housework just so he doesn’t moan and end up in an argument as I told and end up in tears and in a right state.

He brings up my older kids calls them names and my ex and says things like if I deal with him I’ll get the jail and I’ll get my (detail removed by Moderator) to deal with my kids in a violent way.

It just escalated so quick I’m run off my feet I do everything he walks the dogs that’s it he doesn’t work, I have an (detail removed by Moderator)yr old with autistic traits so that’s hard in its self. He is refusing to talk to me and saying he is leaving in the morning, he uses the I’m going for my own house thing on me all the time and the threats of leaving me, he just knows how to get to me, my head is like cotton wool right now how can someone who loves u make you feel this way I don’t understand, he calls my mum names and says she is to blame he does this to me not to her face. I’m scared of how he reacts and how he goes on I get to a point I can’t cope with his horrible words (detail removed by Moderator) please tell me what is going on? Xx

[Lisa]

Hi ConfusedCarol,

Thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry to hear how your husband is treating you, he sounds very abusive and controlling. Do you have support in place? It is a lot to deal with by yourself and understandably you are exhausted.

Are you in touch with your local domestic abuse service? They can offer ongoing emotional and practical support to help you to make a plan based on your circumstances. You can find if there is a local service in your area by clicking on the following link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

There is also support available from a Women’s Aid worker via our Live Chat service open every day. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Please do keep posting to us when you are able to- there is support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

hi confusedcarol

I wanted to show you some support from me for your struggles with all those awful behaviours. Its very hard to manage anything when tired, least of all someone so threatening and controlling. You are tired, and doing everything to run the house, apart from walk the dogs, which frankly might have been a nice walk out for you.

Something your son would enjoy possibly too, being with the dogs outside, and some fresh air.

There are many here who can relate to what you are going through right now, and I wish you the courage to call his bluff when he threatens to leave. I hear that scares you right now though, but I hope that you can gain some strength through talking and getting more support for yourself, so you don’t feel so scared to start taking control for yourself soon.

Warmest wishes TS

[Confusedcarol]

Thank you, I was in a state when I posted the last post, I’m trying to organise things so I can take control of my own life and not have the fear I have around him, it’s not fear of physical it’s dear of the emotional abuse, only due to my own mental health. I thank you for reading and listening, even getting it out on here if I need to will help me try and build this bridge to a life of not fearing what I say, and being able to speak about how I feel as I am scared to do that in fear of arguments and the horrible mouth he uses and how it makes me feel. He admitted he does it to get to me and to get a reaction which I find not fair as then I’m in the wrong and I get all the blame if I react.
Does anyone else deal with this or have done?

Advice would be great x*x

[Author]

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