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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Agapantha 1 month ago.

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  • #98639
     Denial 
    Participant

    Hi I’m new to the forum and not sure how to even go about saying what I want to but here goes.
    Ex and I officially ended things(detail removed by moderator) We where friends for(detail removed by moderator) years before dating. (detail removed) into dating it began my dresses where to tight for work they where to short needed to be on the knee I couldn’t go any where because I was advertising myself apparently then couldn’t speak to guys who where friends because I work in a mall I walked up and down to much then I so happenly had something with my boss every single day it was a new topic to dig about but there where good times alot we where close and when together there wasn’t issues however when I wasn’t with him the nightmare started eventually he got upset with me for not telling me something that happen along time ago and said I lied my entire relationship then he left after much begging he decided okay make it work but the entire time was talking to me rudely (detail removed)
    Guys everything he wanted done I did everyday I even needed to take pics at work just to show I’m not using something that’s open even when I told the truth I was lying in his eyes.
    His left me so broken I don’t even know how to pick myself up
    I’ve blocked removed the app from my phone as well just not to snoop on Facebook being doing alot of reading and realized he has all the red flags of a narcassist
    I sleep thinking of him waking up thinking of him
    How does someone who says they love you so much walk away like you never existed.
    With much love I’d appreciate any advice tips I could get now
    Thanking you

  • #98706
     Lisa 
    Main Moderator

    Hi there Denial, welcome to the forum. I hope you will find it a supportive place. This is all still very raw for you, it is going to take some time to come to terms with everything.

    You are describing a very controlling situation, and it is understandable that you are hurting, you have been treated very cruelly. You really didn’t deserve to be treated like this. It is important to remember that you ex partner is responsible for the abuse.

    It will be beneficial for you to get some support in place. Your local domestic abuse service will be able to offer some ongoing practical and emotional support. You could also get some support from Women’s Aid through the Live Chat.

    Best wishes

    Lisa

  • #98756
     Denial 
    Participant

    Lisa thank you for taking the time to read and give me some comforting words
    Trying to take each day as it comes but the impact of the hurt is quiet deep as I’ve only being remembering the good Instead of bad.
    Please if anyone had being in a similar situation as me kindly leave me some advice and thoughts
    Much love ❤️

  • #98759
     Agapantha 
    Participant

    Hello

    Well done. It sounds like you know in your heart that you are better off without him.

    I find it hard too. I think it is that the public idea of an abuser is someone who is bad through and through so if they are not bad through and through it can be confusing to think of them as abusive. Also for me if i think he was an abuser then I am abused and so are my kids, that feels unthinkable and unsayable.

    However I am now having to say it in court in order to get more time with my kids. Its hard but worth it.

    I am confused about love too, I think all the time about what love means too and how he experiences love and if my desire to love him was faulty.

    I think all these feelings are a natural part of the process. You need to be able to trust what you true inner voice of wisdom is really saying. Don;t confuse it with what other people say or think, especial;ly notice when you are thinking what he tried to get you to think.

    One of the reasons he walked away like you meant nothing to him, with questions in your mind is that it is the perfect way to leave a door open for him. So he can walk back in your life with promised to fix this thing you are going through.

    Be ready for it. if he had only ever made you feel bad, you would not be confused. It is by being both that he has power over you.

    Imagine that he is in a magic bubble and in this bubble he can somehow say all the things you need to hear from him so he can move on.

    I imagine my ex says the following.

    “I am sorry I did not treat you the way a human should treat another human. You did nothing wrong. There are no excuses that make this Okay. But to explain I am not able for various reasons even I do not understand to return love and kindness in an intimate relationship. It terrifies the sXXt out of me. I am broken in a way noone can fix. This is my loss and has never been your responsibilty to fix. i release you to a happier life than one that I would provide. Be happy.

    Know that if i contact you again with promises I will only fail you again, this warning is my way of protecting you, something I failed so miserably to do in the past. ”

    It really helped me to write that down, would it be the same for you?

    Those feelings you have will pass, if you can let them go, they are only hurting you. You are being so wise and brilliant placing boundaries with you social media etc to protect yourself. keep up the good work.

    Thinking of you as starting to find yourself rather than lost

    much love (ie the desire to make someone else’s life better not worse)

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