12th October 2021 at 11:17 pm #132437
Every day is filled with some form of him making me feel bad.
But as soon as I get home from work he acts like all has been normal despite sending me messages making me feel bad during the day and blocking me. He is bad in the evenings with drunk some nights he just shout the most awful things at me and once again the following day just doesn’t know the wrong in what he’s done.
Problem I have is, he apologises or not and j just keep accepting it. And he knows it too!
I’ve tried counselling and reading all about it but nothing works. I don’t fancy going to group meetings. Plus I just can’t get away with a good enough reason..
just want to talk to people who can help me or share some advice.
13th October 2021 at 6:28 am #132442KIP.Participant
His behaviour has become normal to you and as human beings we crave what is normal. Can you try blocking him during the day. Try writing a list of the positive of the relationship and the negatives. Keeping a journal. Writing a list of all the abuse from the start of the relationship and talk to your local women’s aid. Making you feel bad is destroying your self confidence and self esteem which makes you more vulnerable and scared to leave the relationship. He chooses to abuse you, it’s not the alcohol.
13th October 2021 at 6:34 am #132443DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful angel… Brunette3,
Well done for posting, try and understand that this is a journey, a process, that you are going through. So don’t be to hard on yourself if you don’t ‘get it right’ first time.
You will never change his behaviour but what you can start to do is change yours
At first this is hard to do outwardly as the abuser will not like change. However start with small things, check in with yourself, ask yourself what you need
Start to tell yourself that you love yourself and from now on you are going to take care of yourself. Even just changing your mindset to this you will start to see a shift. You can then start to action things as you start to feel stronger.
This is how my journey out of my abusive relationship started. Once I turned my focus, attention and energy from him and onto me things became more manageable until I finally was strong enough to leave
Id really recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life
Sending you continued love and support
13th October 2021 at 10:07 pm #132490
I can’t block him I just can’t find that strength.
I try lists and it just doesn’t change anything.
I have seen a counsellor and this hasn’t helped. So I seeing a psychologist in the next few weeks I need help.
Any hell or advice is appreciated xx
14th October 2021 at 5:37 am #132496KIP.Participant
Google trauma bonding. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Google cognitive dissonance in domestic abuse. The power and control wheel. Get support from your local women’s aid. Knowledge Is Power x
15th October 2021 at 5:58 pm #132548Stargazing1Participant
I’ve been feeling very confused and upset recently too . Many many times I have always said please and thank you for such a lot . Many times I’ve said sorry and I’ve been told you don’t have to be sorry . Then a time comes where I suddenly don’t say thank you for everything and then I get him shouting abuse at me for not saying thank you and again there have been times when I decided I’m not going to say sorry I mean everyone makes mistakes and then guess what shouting at me for not saying sorry . Hypocritical or what .
15th October 2021 at 6:24 pm #132549nbumblebeeParticipant
Sometimes no matter what advice we get we cant accept it we cant see it we sont wanna believe it. Until you really allow yourself to believe what he is doing to you is abusive and that you deserve better then nothing anyone can say will help. You have got to look deep inside yourself and truely believe you deserve more you deserve to be treated with love and respect then you can negin to heal. Stick with counselling my god its hard really hard Im there now so I know but one day it will click and it will start to help you.
Just remember you are not alone in this we are all here for you. Stay strong xx
15th October 2021 at 11:17 pm #132556
It’s just so hard.
I feel guilty looking at him and feel like I fall more in love.. is it love or just dependant and mad?
I feel lost, lost in myself
16th October 2021 at 9:01 am #132561nbumblebeeParticipant
Yeah i get that too. Guilt for me is huge some days i can hardly look at him because of what im feeling. I dont know your story but my husband is nasty to me very nasty with put downs he stops me from working or he did i dont have friends im not allowed out at night without him, he i guess forces me to have sex and controls our finances he is very controlling and i am very scared of him. But i cant seem to leave him do i love him? Like you i really dont know they make us so confused that we just cant see thats what they do. I dont have any useful advice im still in this but all i can say is keep posting on here keep talking write things down things he does he says this really will help you process whats going on and if you feel brave enough Womans aid is always on hand to listen and advise you. Id start with the book why does he do that it isnt an easy read at all but it may help you feel less mad less alone.
Just reach out sweetie dont try and do this alone you really dont have too. Xx
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