Confusion

[Anonymous]

I was with family and we were all laughing and chatting and it was a nice day and the conversation naturally came to a close and we all became silent – just as we all stopped talking there was a strange noise in the hallway and, without thinking, I blurted out a laugh at the timing of how this noise happened just as we fell silent – I found something about the timing funny and I just blurted out a short laugh- but quickly realised the noise was like a sharp gasp/shout and that it was my mam and I asked if she was ok
She came through the door claiming I had laughed at her and I explained I hadn’t, not at her.
She later came downstairs and said something about me not liking anything she does but laughed when she could have hurt herself. I reiterated that that is not the case at all; I laughed at the timing of us becoming quiet before realising what had happened and I have never said I do not like anything she does, she didn’t say anything after that
I had a bit of a cry about this, feel like my mam doesn’t know me at all

Has anyone else had experiences of a loved one being like this? I don’t understand it at all, I want a relationship with my mam in which we can ask about each other’s day, laugh about things, hug each other. Any idea why some mothers are so hypercritical ?

[Hazydayz]

Hi and hope your feeling better than you were at the time of posting. I’m sorry to read that you were unfortunately feeling the victim of a misunderstood situation and your mum’s misunderstanding. I want to help you feel your not alone having feelings of what have you done to deserve this from a close family member. Your mum! I can see how upsetting this is for you. I hope you have been able to talk to your mum further to resolve the upset? I think it might be on both sides, from what you said about your mum’s comments. Is she going through something emotional she’s not telling? Reads to me like she has some issues? The bit about…the possibility of her being hurt? And hearing laughing? I would think about what might be ailing her before judging her, if it was me. I say this because… mums and daughters have a unique relationship, if it goes wrong through misunderstanding it could have the potential to create more misunderstanding and misery. It could be hard to rectify if time elapses and bad feeling builds. The only thing to come out of that situation will be sadness, pain and loss. I know! I lost my mum suddenly without warning! after 10 years of not talking to her or seeing her after an argument brought about from misunderstanding. I hated the situation throughout and beat myself up now, for being so stupid! She was .y mum, I loved her, I should have talked to her! I miss her so much now! Anyway, I guess the problem we had was we were chalk and cheese! Our relationship was difficult sometimes,stupidly! because of…often a simple thing like difference of opinion. I’m a mum myself and now sadly, I can tell you I’m having a time of it with my daughter, chalk and cheese again! But, as I said…if she doesn’t talk to me how can I know? what’s wrong? So that I can help fix it! Instead she’s using other family (her sister) to see her side and gang up on me it feels! I don’t see or hear from them now and It hurts! Carma eh? For what I did to my mum maybe? I hope you get the love and relationship you want with your mum ❤️💞❤️ Hazydayz 💕

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the reply. Yes I often feel like my mam has a lot of unresolved issues and could do with seeking support for that. I obviously explained that I hadn’t laughed at her, I would never – it was a combination of timing and already being in a good-giggly mood and I think that happens to everyone sometimes, just blurting out a laugh. I cried because it just felt like she doesn’t see any good in me, like I’ve lost the freedom to laugh – I already feel on eggshells around her a lot and it’s sad because I know if it had been my dad who had made a joke directly about stubbing her toe she would have laughed too (my m**s clumsy). I have wondered recently is my mam has a lot of generational trauma and I would like it to stop with me, working hard to do that

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