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    • #16602
      Whathaveidone
      Participant

      So we planned this day out some time ago. I was dreading it because I knew the criticms would come i.e. what to wear, how to style my hair but this time it all got too much and I started crying.

      I washed my hair the day before and on that morning, then I styled it how I wanted to. In the bathroom he kept making comments about how messy it looked and how unclean it looked. I ignored him. (Removed by moderator) he then continued to tell me how my hair didn’t look nice and how dirty, filthy and horrible my hair was because he didn’t like how I styled it. I then just sat down and started crying. Then he told me that I was feeling sorry for myself and I should know that he only has one style of communication (insults and aggression) and that he was just being honest; that he was just pointing out improvements that I could make to better myself.

      So eventually I just restyled my hair to his liking and then he told me I looked beautiful. (removed by moderator)  and said that wasn’t all his irritation worth it and could he see now why he wasn’t happy before – he just wanted to be ‘perfect like always’ and started idolising and comparing me to (removed by moderator)  – I find it really annoying when he does that because it just shows he’s trying to make me into his fantasy at the expense of my own health just so that he is happy rather than respecting me for who I am as a person.

      So eventually he tried to backtrack from all the horrible things he said about me and we went out.
      Whilst we were out, the crticisms didn’t stop. Constantly telling me where I should walk, holding the small of my back and even my hand when crossing roads like I was a baby who didn’t know where we were going. On the train he made some traditional stereotypical (misogynistic) comments on women and how they should keep their household and their man happy to have a peaceful life…*my blood slowing boiling at this point*

      He wanted to get some (removed by moderator)  so we did. He didn’t like it so later on he wanted to go to his favourite (removed by moderator) . As we were making our way there, I repeatedly told him on more than 3 occassions that I didn’t want any. When we got there he bought some for himself, asked me in front of the people selling the (removed by moderator) and I said (again) I didnt want any. Guess what, he still went ahead and bought me one anyway. He was comlaining at me (removed by moderator)  and I should deal with it… whatever. I ate what I could but threw the rest away.

      We were walking for so long that I asked him when we would reach the station. Then he got angry and said well do you want to direct us? I tried to defend myself as it was just one question but it just made him more angry so I remained silent just so he would stop his ranting. Then later he brought up the issue again saying how irritable and impatient I AM when I’m tired and how all woman are the same with our ‘moods’…

    • #16609
      Serenity
      Participant

      He won’t change. He enjoys being controlling. He would hate to be in a relationship where the power was shared.

      I was reading about controlling relationships yesterday- I had always found it hard to understand why people feel the need to be controlling- and had my eyes opened a bit: it said ( as you have touched on in your post ) that they have an ideal, and want you to be that ideal, and every time you don’t live up to it or have ideas of your own, they put you down or punish you.

      In a non- controlling relationship, the man would never dream of curtailing your individuality.

      I think there are a lot of men out there who think like your partner, though may not be as abusive. My ex husband thinks like yours. Question is, what will you do? He won’t change. You are precious and valuable and don’t need that. You aren’t a child. Like my ex, he is trying to treat you like one. X

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